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acedocx · 4 months ago

Text

do something about it

•

c.b.g (oneshot)

word count: 2.35k

tags: choi beomgyu x reader, college au, enemies to people that make out in a classroom, academic rivals to lovers, can you tell i'm stressed about college, pretty suggestive but there's no actual full smut (its story required in fics like this tension is the point im not weird guys), brat!beomgyu, dom!reader, makeout sequence, dry humping/grinding/idk what to call this ive never done this before

warnings: smut kinda, swearing, degradation, reader goes off on gyu (i love gyu guys i feel like i make him annoying in my stuff but i love him so much i promise), kind of public place stuff (classroom and building are empty), shitty formatting bc the author still doesn't know how tumblr formatting works

📖 author's note: hi guys! been a while, college is crazy! obviously, i'm handling the stress well (lie) (haven't slept) (publishing this at five in the morning) which is very evident in this fic lol. i'm pretty nervous to post this, as it's much more risqué and suggestive than my last one—it does kind of border on smut. i've been on smth recently i don't know what's wrong with me. but it's almost certainly totally unrealistic, so sorry in advance lol. this was originally supposed to be a full fic, and i do have some ideas for it, so if yall want more (or a part two or smth) let me know! perhaps ill make it a full fic lol. enjoy!

it was on that crisp february afternoon, in the confines of the worn concrete walls of your anthropology class, that you genuinely (and ironically) began to reconsider your moral stance on murder.

you stifled a sigh of annoyance as you heard the screech of the chair in the row behind you as it ground against the linoleum floor. always first. he was always first. you really thought you had him this time, only two questions away from the final eightieth question.

you glanced up from your exam and immediately wished you hadn't. you felt rage begin to simmer in your stomach as you made eye contact with choi beomgyu, who smirked at you as he all but sauntered back to his desk to grab his things.

"prick," you hissed to yourself, hoping the sound of the closing door disguised your outburst.

choi beomgyu. you didn't believe in nemeses—you hadn't, until now, even really believed in academic rivals—but there was something about choi beomgyu that made you so angry it was difficult to breathe.

he was insufferably annoying—cracking jokes, sleeping in class, talking and laughing loudly as the professor explained concepts that would surely be on the test. but more than anything, it was that it didn't matter.

beomgyu had top marks, had never failed an exam, almost always the highest score in the class; you hated him for it. you were always the second highest, always just below him, if only by a half-point. it drove you insane, because you slaved over the assignments and spent hours studying—not a day went by where you didn't. you had basically no life outside of school.

and along comes choi beomgyu, who could come into class hungover and get a perfect score on an exam. just the thought of it made you sick.

despite just having an exam, you found yourself in the library again that afternoon slaving over study materials. you had been staring at your screen for what felt like hours, back and shoulders aching from your poor posture. your head swam with information—definitions, dates, people, everything blended together into one hazy blur. you let out a sigh of exasperation, letting your head rest on the table, eyes closed. i bet beomgyu isn't even studying, you thought with a flare of annoyance. he probably won't. he's probably out partying, having fun, enjoying college—

"d'you expect to find the information in the wood grain, or what?"

your head shot up at the teasing voice from in front of you. had you summoned him? was this a divine joke—god's cruel punishment upon you when you needed it the least? you sighed, turning your eyes back to your computer.

"just resting my eyes. i've been at this for a while," you answered curtly. something you probably wouldn't understand, you added to yourself.

"the anthropology stuff? really?" he scoffed. you clenched your teeth. don't let him get under your skin. "we just had an exam. which, how'd you do on that, by the way? i think i did pretty well—98%, could've done better."

"fine," you snapped, probably too quickly to be believable. you honestly hadn't looked at your grade yet, but you knew it wasn't that. you prayed you could change the subject quick enough before beomgyu bragged about his any more. "what are you doing in here anyway? since obviously, you don't need to study," you said, fighting to keep the venom from your voice.

"ouch," beomgyu laughed, pushing his long brown hair out of his face and moving closer, leaning against the table. "so what, i'm not allowed in here if i'm not boring myself to death?"

"what do you want?"

"nothing! just coming to talk to my classmate," he said innocently. he began to turn to walk away before turning back to look at you. something in his gaze lit a spark of anger in your chest that you fought to swallow. "sorry you have to work yourself to death to keep up."

you didn't know if it was the exhaustion or the two months of pent-up frustration that caused you to snap, but that did it. you pushed yourself up from the desk so forcefully, the chair nearly fell behind you. beomgyu turned back to you with a start. that familiar tightness in your chest took hold, and forgetting about your computer and bag, you grabbed beomgyu by the wrist and began to drag him out the door and down the hall.

it was long past the last class of the day leaving, and golden hour beams filtered lazily in through the windows—a stark contrast to the tempest that you could feel raging through your veins. you dragged a protesting beomgyu into the first empty classroom you saw, slamming the door behind you and whirling to face him.

"okay, we're doing this now, what the fuck is your problem?!" you all but spit at him, trying with everything in you to not raise your voice—it made sense to you now; he wanted a rise out of you, and you couldn't bear to give him the satisfaction of knowing it was working.

"what are you talking about?" beomgyu said with feigned innocence, smirk still tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"do not play stupid with me. you've proven too many times that you think you're smarter than me to play stupid." your hands shook at your sides with the monumental effort of not grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, and you squeezed your eyes shut to block out the smug expression that was undoubtedly still plastered on his face.

"have you ever considered that maybe i am smarter than you? did that cross your mind? wow, your ego must be fuckin' crazy if you really believe no one at this university could possibly be smarter than you," beomgyu scoffed. your mouth hung open in shock. ego? he was talking to you about ego?

"do you know how hard i had to work to get here? do you know how many hours, how many nights i slave over materials to have as high of a grade as i do? do you know how exhausted i am? do you?! no! you don't! because you don't have to work!" you could feel your throat growing tight as you fought the urge to tear up from anger. you sucked in a deep, shaky breath, lowering your voice to a near-whisper, the vitriol in it acidic enough to burn.

"do you know that i can't stand you? every time i see you, i feel my, my blood boil. everything goes to static—you make me so angry that my head spins, you infuriate me to the point of—of," you squeezed your eyes shut once more. "of total incoherence. you make me incompetent, and i hate you."

the words hung in the air, electrifying the atmosphere in the room. the tension was thick enough to taste—you could feel it pulled tight like a cord between the two of you, waiting to snap. you slowly opened your eyes again, defiantly meeting beomgyu's gaze.

the smirk was gone, replaced by surprise and—you noted with a surge of pride—slight outrage. but behind his eyes, there was something else. a challenge—like he was waiting for you to yell at him again. it was him who broke the silence finally.

"yeah? i make you that mad?" he leaned in closer, the spark of defiance behind his eyes brighter now—different in some way. "do something about it."

you were warm, hot, unbelievably hot, as you felt the blood rush to your face, pounding in your ears, drowning out all logic or reasoning. everything outside had disappeared—your vision tunneled on beomgyu. it felt like flames—tearing through your body, screaming to get out in some way. you wanted to hit him. you could—you could hit him, punch him, kick him, slap him, something—anything.

your lips slammed against his with enough force to fully knock him back into the desk behind him, nearly knocking the both of you over in the process. something in the both of you snapped, and all the fight and indignation in beomgyu seemed to have fled him.

one of your hands found his wrists, pinning them behind him to the wooden tabletop below. the other found his long brown hair, snaking up into it, grip tightening as you pulled. you smirked into the kiss at the whine beomgyu let out, his legs seeming to go weak beneath him.

you wanted to devour him—you bit and sucked at his lips, surely leaving them swollen and bruised, tongue exploring every inch it could of his mouth—the mouth that had caused you so much chagrin for the last two months, finally silenced at your discretion. this was justice, vindication, you thought to yourself. putting him in his place.

it was only when you became truly dizzy from a lack of oxygen you pulled away—more accurately, pulled beomgyu away, yanking his head back by his hair, to which he let out another pathetic noise. as you both gasped for air, your gaze settled upon him again, and you noted with disdain how beautiful he was like this.

his eyes were half-lidded, teary, the pupils blown out with lust. his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushed a bright pink, a sheen coating his whole face. as you suspected, his lips were swollen, red, and trembling. this close, you could clearly see that the spark in his eyes that you had seen as challenge before was something else entirely—it was desperation.

everything began to click into place. he wanted your attention. that is why he acted out that way in the library. your mouth twisted into a smirk reminiscent of the expression beomgyu wore minutes ago. pride surged through you where there should have been annoyance—he enjoyed this. he wanted this, wanted you to put him in his place.

beomgyu seemed to come back to himself for a moment, the infuriating arrogance that you had come to associate with him adorning his features once more. he gave you a smug look again, shakier this time—he knew he had been caught.

"l-look at you, kissing me like you're—you're trying to eat me or s-something—thought you said you...couldn't stand me."

you scoffed at him. "i can't," you hissed. "so sit. get on the desk."

beomgyu pushed himself back and up until he was sitting on the desk, legs to either side of you. you pressed your lips to his neck in slow, lazy kisses that trailed up to his jaw. beomgyu tilted his head back, eyebrows knitted, bruised lips parted in a shaky sigh, trying and failing to stay quiet as your teeth found purchase below his jawline.

once you were satisfied with the bruise, you leaned in close, lips brushing the shell of his ear.

"do you get off on this?"

the shiver that went through his body was confirmation enough, and it nearly made you laugh. you were giddy, power-drunk—you would later blame the power trip and the blinding rage for just how much you enjoyed seeing beomgyu unravel so beautifully beneath you. it was almost enough to convince you that you weren't enraptured by him, almost ethereal in the golden light that bathed the empty classroom.

"that's humiliating. are you excited by this? by me yelling at you, degrading you," you made another mark near his collarbone, "being rough with you?"

"yes, god—i'm, i—please, please—" beomgyu was incoherent, speaking in fragments, newly freed hands grasping at your shirt, your arms, anything to pull you back into him.

you pouted at him in mocking pity, pulling his hands from your shirt, pinning them back firmly on the desk.

"poor thing, can't even speak. thought you were smarter than me," you said in a sickly sweet voice. "please, what?"

"please, please, anything—kiss me, touch me, something—" you could see tears in his eyes that threatened to fall, and you looked down at the mess you had made of his outfit. the collar of his white tee had been stretched to reveal his collarbones, necklaces askew in every direction. the hem of his shirt had ridden way up where your hand had found its way under it, revealing some of his stomach as it rose and fell with his short, shallow breaths—and the obvious tent in his black jeans.

it was impossible trying to lie to yourself—you wanted this just as much as he did. but you couldn't lose now, not when you've finally bested him for once. you swallowed, hoping he didn't see the way you faltered as you stared. a smirk found your features again, and you traced the waistband of his jeans with the tips of your fingers, pressing more lazy kisses into his jaw.

you pressed your body flush against his chest, your thigh coming to rest between his legs. beomgyu shivered again, chasing the friction as he began to grind against your leg. it was unholy, the sounds he made—even worse the almost undeniable urge to let him, to fuck him there in that classroom.

you tugged him back from you by his hair once more, pulling yourself away from him entirely as he whined in protest, standing back to observe your handiwork a second time.

beomgyu looked an absolute mess. hair wild, eyes puffy, face flushed almost burgundy and streaked with tears—fucked out, and you had barely even touched him. entirely pathetic, entirely at your mercy. you couldn't have been more satisfied.

"we're in a classroom, y'know," you taunted. "you didn't really expect to do it here, right? freak," you added venomously. beomgyu couldn't even respond, only shaking his head dazedly.

you turned towards the door, smoothing your shirt and hair nonchalantly.

"you...y-you're such a...you are evil, you can't..." you heard beomgyu stammer out from behind you. you turned towards him with a perfect mimickry of his smug smirk from earlier.

"do something about it."

#fanfic #txt #tomorrow by together fanfic #choi beomgyu #beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #txt fic #kind of smut #kpop fanfic #kpop #tomorrow x together #choi soobin #hueningkai #choi yeonjun #kang taehyun #i'm sorry #this is unholy

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punk-spic3y · 3 months ago

Text

for a minute in the sunlight

poly!matsuhanaxreader

9.5k

cw/tags: established relationship, post timeskip, afab reader, she/they reader, a little hurt/comfort, very brief mention of homophobia, eventual smut, makeup sex, threesome (M/M/F), subspace, a tiny smidge of impact play, praise, overstim, spitting, p in v sex, aftercare

a/n: when i started writing earlier this year, this is the fic i started first! it's changed a lot since it's conception and i'm happy with how it ended up, so I hope u enjoy it as well! <3

crossposted to aO3

You never work Saturday mornings, so the one time you’ve got to cover last minute for a coworker, Makki and Mattsun laughing so loudly in the living room that it wakes you from a dead sleep shortly after midnight is not something you feel like forgiving in the moment. You throw the comforter off and slam the bedroom door open, metaphorical flames spouting from your ears. “I have to be up at 3:45 AM I will destroy everything you love if you two don’t shut the fuck up.” Mattsun’s eyes are wide as he stares at you; your hair is stuck flat on one side and you’re wearing his oversized radiohead t-shirt--for some reason, you’re also wearing Hiro’s socks. The latter does nothing to suppress his giggle as he holds up Mattsun’s phone. You squint and walk over to the couch, it’s open to a thread of messages from an unsaved number. “What am I supposed to be looking at here?”

Makki’s laugh only intensifies, leaving Mattsun to explain, “So I just received this message from your apparently very concerned coworker.”

xxx:

So sorry for reaching out like this but I got your information from y/n’s emergency contact form, this is their coworker

You’re their partner, right?

Another guy has been picking them up…and I’ve seen them being very affectionate with each other

I’m not trying to be in y/n’s business but I thought you should know, since you’re together

Sorry again, hope you have a good weekend

me:

LMAOOOOOOO

we’re poly

xxx:

OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY

Please forget I said anything

I’m so sorry for bothering you!!!

Please feel free to not ever mention this to y/n this is so embarrassing

me:

Mattsun points to the last message, “Before you get mad this was not me.” You turn your glare on Makki, who is laughing so hard you’re not sure if he even heard Issei rat him out.

“Makki, that's mean,” he wipes the tears from the corners of his eyes.

“If you say anything to her when you pick me up tomorrow I’m going to start walking home alone and if I get mugged it’ll be your fault. For being mean.”

“Y/n c’moooonnn” he whines at you, trying to hide his smirk.

“Fuck both of you I’m going back to bed.”

Mattsun huffs a laugh and whisper-shouts after you, “Sleep well, grumpy.”

You narrow your eyes at both of them as you turn and make your way towards your bedroom to attempt at least another couple hours of sleep before waking up for your opening shift.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your coworker literally hasn’t made eye contact with you a single time the whole shift. You’re off in 20 minutes so you resolutely decide to continue ignoring it until the end of time. Wiping down the steam wand, you glance up and catch sight of not one, but both of your partners sitting at one of the metal tables outside, waiting to walk you home. You catch Makki’s eye and give him your best “behave yourself” glare. He winks back at you.

You finally finish your shift, successfully managing to still avoid eye contact or conversation with your coworker. With a deep breath you mumble as you round the counter, “Have a good weekend,” and grab your bag to make your way to the front door; running straight into Mattsun’s chest in your haste. You meet his eyes and notice that your pink haired idiot is nowhere to be seen. A question in your eyes, you look up at Matsukawa and he just points back to the counter behind you with a smug look on his face. You don’t even bother turning around, heat flaring in your cheeks.

“Hanamaki.”

Whatever conversation he was trying to start with your coworker stops at your short tone and the use of his full last name--you never call him that. Face flaming, you thank the higher powers that there are no other customers in the coffee shop right now. “I swear to christ, if you don’t shut your mouth and walk out this door right now I will personally burn your things in the front yard.” Mattsun, still standing in front of you, puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender, meeting Makki’s eyes over the top of your head. You hear Makki sigh behind you and mumble an apology to your coworker through laughter.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’ve been giving him the silent treatment since you got home earlier this afternoon. Usually, you’d playfully ignore him for all of 10 minutes before giving in, but you’re feeling especially stubborn today and he still hasn’t actually apologized to you. It was embarrassing and you want him to know that it kind of hurt your feelings. You specifically asked him not to bring it up, and instead, he made it worse.

Your mood only worsens as the day goes on.

You put something simple together for dinner, stir fry with veggies from the farmer’s market downtown, Mattsun’s arms wrapped around your waist as you move around the kitchen. He can tell you’re still upset but he doesn’t push you to talk about it. The three of you eat at the table in uncomfortable silence, Issei glancing between the two of you while Makki desperately tries to get you to actually look at him.

You wash the dishes, shooting down Makki’s peace offering of taking care of them instead. You can hear them talking quietly in the living room over the muffled sounds of the tv. By the time you’re done with the dishes, Mattsun has apparently decided he’s had enough of the awkward silence between you and Makki. He stands and huffs loudly, grabbing his wallet off the end table, “Alright, I’m going to pick up boba. I’ll be back in an hour and the two of you better have your shit figured out by then.” He places a tender kiss to your forehead and one against Hiro’s cheek before slides on his shoes and gives both of you a pointed look as he walks out the front door.

You cross your arms over your chest where you’re leaning against the counter, glaring at the front door--refusing to speak first. Out of the corner of your eye you see Makki glance at the front door as if willing Issei to walk back in.

The three of you have been together for years--and friends for even longer--so of course you’ve seen your fair share of fights. You and Makki fight the most, both too stubborn to admit fault. Mattsun is often forced to play mediator (he usually doesn’t mind) so the fact that he’s left you here alone to figure things out stirs something unpleasant in your chest. You feel a sting in the corners of your eyes and take a deep breath. You cry easily and you hate it, so you try to stave off the tears for as long as possible.

Hiro reads you like a book, immediately aware that you’re heading towards tears. He crosses the kitchen and stands in front of you, close enough that you know he’s there but he doesn’t reach out yet, not wanting to push you into physical contact. He sighs, “I’m sorry for embarrassing you at work,” he pauses, “it was too much.” Your watery eyes flick up to meet his and he continues, “Mattsun tried to tell me not to, I should have listened…I’m sorry.”

After a pause his voice softens and he tucks his chin, avoiding your gaze again, “Can I ask you a question though?” You nod, the tightness in your jaw relaxing a bit, humming for him to continue. “You’ve been working there for over a year, has this really never come up?” You recognize the hurt in his voice even though he’s trying his best to hide it.

Your eyes widen and a few tears escape at the downtrodden tone of his voice. You’d never really thought about how not being ‘out’ as poly would make him feel. The coffee shop you work at is in a great part of town with a big LGBTQ+ customer base; pride flags in the windows, the whole nine. That doesn’t mean that telling people about the three of you isn’t still scary. You really liked your part time gig at the coffee shop. You enjoyed your coworkers, and liked the environment. Of course the topic of dating had come up, you were close enough to a couple of the baristas you worked with to want to consider them your friends.

Whenever anyone had brought up the topic of relationships, you guess you’d left some key pieces of information out, telling them only about your relationship with Mattsun. He’s the one who usually stopped by to walk you home after your shift until recently.

Your eyes get hazy with unshed tears, the feelings of guilt and shame gnawing at you. You realize how long you’d been quiet when Makki gently says your name. Tears threatening to spill and voice a bit raspy you look up at him, “Hiro, I'm so sorry.” He sees that you’re barely holding on, jaw clenched hard to try and stave off your tears, and reaches out, hand hovering at your elbow “Baby, come here.”

At his gentle tone the dam breaks and a sob escapes you as your hand fists in his t-shirt. He brings a hand up to cradle the back of your head and wraps his other arm around your waist. Through choked sobs you try to apologize again, “M’s-so sor-ry,” you’re frustrated with yourself, “Cr-crying like this is so s-stupid.” His response comes easily, “You can cry as much as you want, it's not stupid,” his hand strokes through your hair. “You’re okay. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

After getting your breathing under control, you push back to look up at him with ruddy cheeks. “I guess I was scared, but that’s fucking stupid.” His chuckles at the little crease in your brow, “S’not stupid to be scared, people are mean.” You squeeze at his waist with a huff, ‘Why aren’t you mad, I hate that you’re not mad at me. I did something stupid and I hurt your feelings, so I definitely feel like you should get to be mad.” He buries his nose in your hair, laughing against you, “I know you weren’t doing it to hurt my feelings, it’s okay.” Keeping his arms tight around you, he waddles the two of you towards the couch, pinching your sides until he gets a laugh past your pouty lips.

“We’re all good, really," he releases his hold on you to squish your cheeks with large hands, “Just don’t leave me out again, yeah?” You nod the best you can, pulling lightly at his wrists until he lets go enough for you to speak clearly, “You know I love you, right?” He smiles at you, all warm and genuine, and it makes you melt a little. Your cheeks burn and you look away from him to murmur against his shoulder, “I hated not talking to you all day.” He pulls you to sit between his long legs on the couch as he speaks, draping himself over your shoulders affectionately, “Tell me all about your day, then.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You’re still sitting on the couch, back to Hiro’s chest, when Mattsun walks in the front door. The sun has long since set and the only light in the room comes from a strand of string lights running along the bookshelf by the window and the Ghibli movie playing on the tv, volume low. You go to sit up but Makki only pulls you tighter against his chest, softly calling out a greeting to your boyfriend. He peeks around the corner, sees the two of you on the couch and says, “All good?”

You give him a small smile and a thumbs up, “All good.”

He drops a drink carrier off on the counter and walks over to place his hands on your cheeks, eyes searching yours before glancing at Hiro. “Wanna tell me what’s up?” You tap Makki’s thigh, making room to pull Mattsun down to sit next to you. He listens quietly, taking your hand in his as you tell him everything you and Makki talked about. You tear up a little again when you explain that you hadn’t been exactly honest about the three of you at work, worried that the coworkers you had started to consider friends might treat you unkindly if they knew. He rests a hand on Makki’s calf, thumb absentmindedly passing over the freckled skin there as he listens.

Issei leans over you to place several kisses on Hiro’s cheek, each one more tender than the last. Another is placed on your forehead as he brushes a thumb beneath your eye, collecting the tears that have fallen there. “Boba?” he offers. He smiles when you and Makki both nod, standing to retrieve the drinks he’d sat on the counter before snuggling up on the couch to finish the movie with you.

You don’t realize you’ve fallen asleep until you’re being carefully scooped up by Mattsun, your legs draped over one of his arms, head cradled on his chest. You hear the comforter being pulled back and you’re softly laid in the sheets. Stirring, you stretch your arms above your head without opening your eyes, “What time is it?” Issei’s hushed voice comes from the bed next to you, “Just past eleven, go back to sleep.” Ever a stubborn one, you open your eyes to squint at him sleepily, “Mmm..where’s Hiro?”

“Right here.” You turn when you feel the bed dip and Hiro gently pulls you to his chest, placing a kiss on your forehead. Issei sheds his t-shirt, tossing it in the general direction of the laundry basket and climbs under the covers next to you. He squirms around until his chest is pressed to your back, face buried in your neck placing a few gentle kisses there.

Hiro runs a hand through Issei’s hair as he settles. He reaches behind him to click the lamp off before tilting your chin up with his thumb and pointer finger, pressing his lips softly to yours with a hushed goodnight.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You stir as Issei’s lips brush your forehead before he leans over to place a kiss on Makki’s cheek with a whisper, “I’ll be back in a few hours.” You reach out to grab onto his sweatshirt as he turns to leave, pulling him down again. He makes a soft questioning sound as he turns towards you. Forgoing an actual response, you instead crack your eyelids open and reach your arms out towards him. He chuckles, bed dipping as he sits on the mattress next to you, “Mmm--love you.” You give him a sleepy smile, “Love you too.” His footfalls on the wood floor are muted and you turn to the window as he pulls the door shut gently behind him.

The sun filters lightly through the muted gray curtains, but it’s not bright enough to warrant you getting out of bed yet, it is a Sunday morning after all. Instead, you roll towards Makki, who’s still dead asleep, and throw your leg over his hip, tucking your head under his chin. He makes a muffled sound but doesn’t stir. Mattsun, who would usually stay in bed with the two of you until at least 11, has to babysit this morning. His sister has a meeting with an international client and their usual sitter couldn’t make it, so she’d called in her younger brother’s help. Not that he minds, Issei never passes up an opportunity to see his one and only nephew.

You drift off again, waking a second time to the sensation of Hiro’s arms tightening around you, your back now to his chest. His fingers draw circles on your bare thigh. Eyes still closed, you snuggle further into him, the freckled skin of his bicep warm against your cheek. Softly, as if you’re breakable, he strokes a finger across your cheek, lifting your face to his so your noses brush. His voice is rough with sleep when he speaks, a small smile on his face, “G’morning”

Humming, you turn onto your back, leaning in to lazily press your lips to his. They’re a little chapped, but still soft as he pulls you closer with a hand at the nape of your neck. You pull back after another pass of his lips against yours, “M’sorry about yesterday.” He nuzzles his nose closer to yours, “I know, it’s okay.” You place a hand on his wrist, thumb rubbing against the warm skin there as he continues, “I’m sorry for embarrassing you at work.”

“S’okay,” you whisper as he kisses your flushed cheek once, then twice, before pressing his lips to yours again. The kiss deepens as your lips part, pressing forward softly to tangle his tongue with yours. His fingers that have been dutifully rubbing circles into the skin of your thigh wander higher and you let out a small sound as he drags a featherlight touch across your clothed cunt. Dragging your own hands lower, you run your fingers through the soft brown hair just below his belly button and briefly dip into the waistband of his cutoff sweatpants.

The room heats as he places slow kisses down your neck, pulling the already loose collar of Mattsun’s t-shirt you’re wearing lower to gain access to your collarbone, where he bites down. Alternating between sucking and gently rolling the sensitive skin between his teeth, you feel bruises start to blossom as your breathing gets heavier. Hands carding through soft, dyed strawberry hair, you push him away just long enough to pull your t-shirt off, skin prickling with goosebumps where you’re now exposed to the cool air of the bedroom. Hiro wastes no time attaching his mouth to the swell of your chest, leaving more dappled purple marks as he goes.

He dips low then shifts so he’s lying between your legs, holding your hips in place as your back arches at the flick of his tongue on your nipple. A moan slips past your lips as he takes it in his mouth, lazily sucking and lightly rolling it between his teeth. He huffs a laugh as you start to squirm under his weight, you can’t decide whether to pull him closer or push him away from your sensitive chest. He’s teasing you, moving frustratingly slowly, trying to wind you up.

You squeeze your thighs against his midsection, seeking the friction he refuses to provide. “Makkiiii” you whine, pushing down on his shoulders. He looks up at you, innocent expression doing a poor job of hiding the mischievous twinkle in his brown eyes, “Use your words, baby.” You pout at him, hips bucking as he brings his hand up to roll your other nipple between his deft fingertips.

You throw your arm over your face, embarrassed as you fuss at him, “Mmmh, you’re the worst.” Laughing again, he pushes himself up onto an elbow so his face hovers over yours. His thumb circles your hip bone before rising to uncover your face, “How am I supposed to know what you want if you won’t tell me?” Freeing your wrist from his grasp you take his face in both hands, squishing his cheeks gently between your palms, “Hiro, please eat my pussy.”

He stifles a whine at your request and you watch the blush creep from his ears to his cheeks and down his chest. Clearing his throat, he gently pulls his face from between your hands. You giggle softly when he brushes kisses along your torso as he moves down your body. He brings your left leg over his shoulder, holding it there with his hand on the top of your thigh. He gives it a squeeze and drags his other knuckle across the wet spot forming on your panties. The small touch sends a spark of pleasure up your spine and your legs clench around his shoulders.

“Fuck you’re wet,” he rasps out, nipping at your inner thigh. He temporarily pushes the damp fabric to the side and you shift your hips lower into his touch when he slides your own wetness over your clit. He lets the fabric fall back over you and dips in to brush his tongue lightly against you, hands dart towards him and you bury your fingers in his hair at the barely there touch. He looks up at you teasingly before sitting up to pull the offending fabric all the way off, your wet heat now fully exposed to the morning air. With a smirk he carelessly tosses them somewhere on the floor and you roll your eyes.

He gives you a light pinch on your inner thigh as he lowers his hand to press his thumb to your clit, circling it slowly, using your wetness to ease the slide of skin on skin. Eyes glassy, you rock down into the pressure. You can’t keep still, grinding desperately into his touch as your orgasm begins to build. He tuts and pulls away, moving his hands to hold you still with a bruising grip on your hips. You barely have time to fuss at the loss of pressure before his mouth is on you.

He licks a broad stripe up your slit, groaning into your heat before diving back in to suck at your clit. Back arching higher, your hips jump as you draw in a gasp at the sensation. You feel the room heat as he repeatedly swirls his tongue, groaning as he buries his face in your cunt. He slowly shakes his head, tongue pressing past your entrance. You both whine when he pushes into you, the sound swallowed up by the hazy morning air. He swirls his tongue inside you a few more times before pulling back to replace it with a lithe finger, slowly pressing in to the first knuckle. He draws in a breath and exhales softly as he uses a hand to spread your legs wider. Biting his lip, he watches as his finger disappears inside of you, “Look at how fucking pretty your pussy is.” Hiro glances up as he speaks, and you see his eyes darken as he adds another finger on his next press in.

You whimper and your walls tighten around them at the slight stretch. He adjusts to wrap his arm around the outside of your thigh so his hand is resting palm down on your stomach. Pressing down ever so slightly, he watches you, eyes almost glowing with need. You bite your lip and plead with him, “Ah--more…Hiro please.” Anything for you.

His fingers curl upwards, stroking you from the inside--simultaneously, he softly presses down on your lower belly with his other hand. The sound that’s punched out of you at the sensation is obscene, “Ah…mmm…fuck!” Your nerves flare at the stimulation from both sides, body consumed by overwhelming heat as you teeter on the edge. It feels so fucking good you never want him to stop.

You lose the ability to think clearly as he keeps curling his fingers firmly against you. A breathy moan vibrates through your chest as he dips to suck gently on your clit, circling it with his tongue in time with his pumping fingers. He reaches up from his place on your belly, brushing his fingers against your nipple before pinching hard. The thread snaps.

Your eyes squeeze shut as you tip over the edge, grip tightening on his hair while you throw your head back into the pillow. Broken cries of his name slip from between your lips, “Hiro--m’cumming!” The sound of his mouth against you is suddenly wetter as your orgasm rips through you. You gasp out his name again, walls still pulsing around his fingers as you drench his chin and fingers. A babble of curses leaves your lips as he continues to curl his fingers, pulling away long enough only to spit a curse before returning to your clit, moaning raggedly against you as you continue to clench around him. He doesn’t let up until you’re crying out at the sensitivity, chest heaving as you push him up and off of you.

He whines as you push him away, sucking lightly on the skin of your inner thigh, “Almost made me come in my pants.” You huff a breathy laugh and reach down to swipe your thumb across his glistening bottom lips and chin as he sits up, collecting the wetness there and popping it into your own mouth to suck the digit clean. He lets out a harsh breath and his teeth sink into his bottom lip, “Fucking kinky.” You wink at him, laughing around the finger in your mouth, “Hmm, you like it.”

He uses your discarded t-shirt to quickly wipe at his chest--to your playful displeasure--before settling on top of you again in apology, hips slotted against yours. Your lips find his, wantonly sliding your tongue into his mouth as you press the waistband of his shorts down and help him wriggle out of them. As soon as his cock is free, he ruts his hard length against your still-slick cunt, sliding it through your wetness with a low moan. You push him up with your right hand splayed on his chest while your left reaches out across the sheets. He resists the movement, something akin to panic flashes across his face as he pulls back to look at you. Cute.

You giggle at his expression and move your hand gently to his cheeks, stroking over his freckles softly. “Hiro, I’m just grabbing a pillow to lay on.” He blushes and drops his head, shoulders shaking as he laughs breathily into the side of your neck, “Mmm, that’s embarrassing.” You giggle, “It’s kind of hot when you get all desperate.” He lifts his head to narrow his eyes at you before dipping down to nip at your neck again.

Helping you lift your hips with a large hand, he tucks the pillow underneath you, making sure you’re comfortable. The movement causes your clit to brush against his hard length. His hips flex and he presses forward, his leaking head sliding against your entrance. You gasp as you feel him suck gently at your neck, your soft laughter tapering off into panting breaths. He rolls his hips again and slots the slick tip of his cock against you, barely pushing in before pulling back out again.

He’s panting into your neck as you rake your nails gently down his back. “Want you inside me,” you whine breathily into his ear. He bites out a curse and his hand flies down to grip the base of his cock, staving off his own orgasm. Taking a deep breath he mumbles into your shoulder, “Stop being so sexy or I’m gonna come before I even get to fuck you.” You giggle at him, “Someone’s sensitive today.” He rolls his eyes playfully in response and bites at your cheek.

Shifting to sit back on his knees, he angles your hips with the help of the pillow so your ass is most of the way in his lap. As soon as his cock is lined up he flexes forward, using the dips of your hip bones as handholds. Your recent orgasm has your walls burning at the stretch as he pushes in. He throws his head back, eyes squeezing shut, “Holy shit.”

You’re so hot inside and wet enough that he slides all the way in easily. You feel so fucking tight around him, already trying to flex your hips up against his hold there. He pauses before slowly pulling back out. Eyes hazy and unfocused, you let out a pathetic moan when he doesn’t immediately push back in, arching your back higher. Your chest is heaving but you feel like you still can’t get enough oxygen. His eyes darken as they land on yours and he watches you get even more worked up. “So fucking pretty for me, baby. Your pussy feels so good,” he praises you with a rasp in his hushed voice. A few tears push past your lashes to make their way down your cheeks and his grip suddenly tightens as he pulls you down hard.

A groan is ripped from your chest and stars flash behind your closed eyelids. He doesn’t give you any time to adjust before setting a deliberate rhythm. One of your hands flies to grip the sheets behind you while the other grasps onto his wrist to press yourself down against him with each thrust, encouraging him to grind deeper with every pass.

On the next stroke, you tense around his length, and a flash of heat singes at your nerves before he pulls out slowly only to drive his hips forward again, eyes never leaving your face. A white hot pleasure is burning through you every time his hips meet yours. Every exhale feels like it’s being forcibly punched out of your lungs and you desperately grab at his shoulders to pull his lips down to yours. He urges you on, breathing out praise between messy passes of lips, desperate to see you unravel again. The words spill from his mouth like he can’t help it, “Wanna watch you come on my cock,” a groan, “always so good for me, baby. ”

You nod at him the best you can, given how tightly your whole body is wound. Your orgasm is building with each word that passes his lips until it’s all you can think about. “Ta--ah, Takahiro,” you encourage him between open mouthed kisses, “just like that, fuck.” He sustains a brutal pace, moaning against your skin as he sucks at the already bruised patches on your collarbone. The bite of teeth against the discolored skin has you tightening impossibly around him with a long moan. You can tell he’s getting close too, hands shaking where they grip your hips, but his pace doesn’t falter, even as your cunt flutters around his length. Your moans rise in pitch, “Hiro, please--feels s’fucking good, mmh.”

Your orgasm hits you hard, drawing a surprised gasp from your lips as heat whips through your body. A ragged sound tears from his chest as he crashes his lips to yours, stealing the air from your lungs. He releases his grip on one of your hips, hand snaking its way up your torso. He brushes roughly past your nipple on his way, and you press up into the pressure. You’re breathing hard, eyes shut tight, head thrown back into the pillow when his hand reaches the side of your neck. In the haze of your second orgasm It takes you a few moments to realize he’s saying your name, trying to get your attention.

A breathless murmur accompanies light pressure on your throat as he firmly tilts your head down. His brutal pace has slowed, and he repeats your name until you open your eyes to meet his gaze. He’s breathing hard, barely able to control the harsh press of his hips into yours.

“Open.”

You keen, pussy tightening around his length as he reaches to press down on your chin. Your mouth falls open easily, tongue lolling out. His pupils dilate as he pushes his thumb into your mouth, petting it across the muscle. Still rolling his hips, he leans further over you, pulling his finger out of the way as he lets a string of spit pass between his lips before dropping onto your tongue. You groan before closing your mouth, feeling it slide down your throat before opening it again to show him you’ve swallowed.

“Good girl.” His hand tightens around your jaw, grip almost bruising as he spits into your waiting mouth again. He doesn’t give you a chance to swallow this time, immediately leaning forward to capture your tongue, sucking on it as he rolls his hips. The kiss is all consuming; your tongues press and curl around each other, saliva mixing and pooling at the corner of your mouth. Tears are consistently rolling down your cheeks now. He pulls away with a ragged whimper, his hips beginning to lose their consistent rhythm, “M’gonna come.”

You curse, chest heaving, “Hiro--fuck.” Your whole body goes taut, wound all the way up again before you’ve even fully come down from your last orgasm. You’re easily pushed over the edge by the throbbing pain of the already bruised skin on your neck being sucked roughly between Hiro’s teeth. The burn is sharp, intense, and hot, mixing with the rough push of his hips against yours to create a pleasure that makes your vision go blurry and your ears ring. You’re vaguely aware of Hiro gasping your name as he follows you over the edge, it tumbles from his lips between curses as he fills you. His pace slows as he rides out the final waves of his orgasm, hand still gripping your jaw.

A short moment later, you feel his grasp soften and his thumb gently swipes across your wet cheeks, damp lips meeting your own again as you moan softly into his mouth. You can still feel your cunt fluttering around him, legs tensing with aftershocks. You float as the burning heat of your climax settles into a warmth that borders just on the pleasurable side of uncomfortable, almost like you’re sitting too close to a fireplace. Nerves frayed, you swear you can feel the individual threads of the sheets rubbing against the overly sensitive skin on your shoulder blades. Hiro’s breath sends shivers across your skin as he trails kisses up your neck and across your chest.

This is your favorite part. The feeling of being so overstimulated it should be painful, but instead the overwhelming feeling makes everything so much better. It’s like you’re not the one in control of your body anymore. You feel insatiable, craving the heat every touch sends zapping across your skin.

Your shoulders jump when his lips eventually brush your ear, “M’gonna pull out and get you a washcloth. Promise I’ll be right back.” You whine and mumble a response, not even sure if any words actually leave your mouth. The heat of his body disappears and a cold rush of air soaks into your flushed skin. You whimper as a leftover tear falls from your damp lashes, but you’re too boneless to do anything more, already feeling a little soreness settling over your limbs.

Soft footfalls approach the bed, mattress dipping as Hiro gently pushes your thighs apart to clean you up. You’re pliable in his sure hands, you’d happily let him do whatever he wanted to you in this state. Allowing him to spread your legs, he kneels between them to catch the cum dripping out of you before it hits the mattress beneath you with the warm washcloth.

Your eyes widen at the feeling and you try to sit up, pulling your legs closed in an attempt to shoo him away. “No, don't!” you gasp. His hand stills, brows dipping in concern, “Did I hurt you?” You shake your head, a pout on your lips as you pull the bottom one between your teeth, feeling your cheeks flush, “Want it.”

“Want wh-” understanding flickers across his face and the corner of his mouth curls up in a smirk, “Yeah?” You settle back against the mattress before speaking, “Please…”. You can feel him dripping out of you, smearing across your inner thighs where you’ve pulled them together and threatening to pool on the sheets beneath you. He reaches out and trails two fingers upwards, starting where your ass meets the bed and collecting his cum to press it back into your heat. You sigh as he leans down to place hot kisses across your stomach.

“Think you can come again?” he brushes his thumb over your clit as he continues to fuck his fingers lazily into you. The burn of overstimulation that had begun to subside comes back full force with his movements against you. You attempt to pull your legs closed at the sensation, body betraying what you really want, but his hand is already against your thigh like he was expecting the reaction. You’ve settled back into that burning, floaty feeling, every touch a burst of heat on your overexerted nerves. It’s an overwhelming mixture of sensations, too much and not nearly enough at the same time. You feel the overwhelming need to be good for him, “I c’n do it.” There’s a flicker of heat as he presses his thumb to your clit again, “fr’you.” He watches your eyes slip closed, the urge to consume everything you’ll give him flaring, “Look at you…so good for me.”

A soft creak has you drowsily turning your head towards the bedroom door.

Mattsun’s home.

You watch him quietly make his way towards the bed. A smile pulls at the corners of your lips before they fall open to draw in a ragged breath as Makki takes the opportunity to curl his fingers inside you, “Haa h-hi.” He huffs a laugh as he reaches the edge of the bed.

Teasingly, he turns to the man between your legs, “Now, what have you two been up to?” Hiro hums, fingers still moving leisurely inside of you, “Hm…not much. How’s your nephew?” The brunette glances at you before answering, taking in the way you’re laying completely boneless beneath them, every other breath coming with a sound that borders on a whimper.

God, he loves it when you get like this. So willing, letting them have complete control over everything you’re feeling. His eyes follow the line of Hiro’s arm, pupils widening as they watch him fuck his fingers into you. He can feel himself already getting hard at the sound of Makki pressing his cum deeper into your pussy.

He has to pry his eyes away from the scene to meet Hiro’s eyes, still light with his previous question. “He’s great, walking all on his own now,” he hums, “quite the little terror.” They continue to speak above you, you’re too out of it to even understand what they’re saying. It’s almost as if you’re not even there. The thought has you tightening around Hiro’s fingers. His gaze snaps to you at the feeling and he groans, “Fuck.”

Makki slows his pace and reaches blindly to grab the bottom edge of Issei’s shirt, pulling him closer. Mattsun lets himself be moved so that he’s standing almost directly behind Hiro before placing a large hand on his neck to gently tilt his head back, prying his gaze from you. A smirk spreads across his face as he leans down to capture the other man’s lips between his own.

You force your eyes up to watch Makki’s grip tighten on Issei’s sweatshirt as the latter’s tongue presses past his lips. The rise and fall of his chest speeds up as you watch Mattsun’s hand flex lightly around his throat. Reflexively, you flex your hips down on the fingers that have stilled inside you, desperate. You drink in the sight of the two of them together as Issei pulls away, tugging at Hiro’s bottom lip lightly with his teeth. He moves onto the bed next to you, leaning down to kiss you as well, just a light press of lips. It’s not enough and you whimper up at him. His gaze is light, teasing, “What is it baby?”

You weakly lift a hand to pull him in again with a grip on his sweatshirt. He lets you, pressing his tongue into your mouth possessively. His hand trails across your chest, ring-clad fingers circling your sensitive nipple then tugging lightly. You draw in a deep breath at the sensation, exhaling out a sigh. Makki’s fingers have started slowly moving again, pressing in and curling up on the way out. Mattsun’s hand ventures further down until he’s pushing a finger in alongside him. You hear Hiro groan and Issei shifts to kiss him. You’re breathing hard, each exhale coming out as a soft whine. The mixture of Hiro’s cum and your own arousal makes a slick sound with each slide of their fingers.

Hiro’s hand is soon fully replaced by Issei’s and he instead uses long fingers to pop open the button on Mattsun’s jeans, reaching past the barrier of his boxers to grasp at his length. The harsh sparks of overstimulation have morphed into the quickly building heat of your impending climax. You’re beginning to tighten around Mattsun’s fingers as he subtly increases their pace. His pupils are blown when they lazily meet yours as Makki mouths at his neck, reaching down to pull his sweatshirt off.

“Want me to make you come, sweetheart?” His tone is almost patronizing and it sends a wave of hot shame through you. Before you can voice a response, he hooks his fingers inside of you, repeatedly stroking over the spongy spot inside of you that makes your back arch off the bed. Hiro detaches himself from Mattsun’s neck to look up at him with a smirk, “You’re so mean, Issei.”

Without changing his pace, he huffs a laugh, “They like me mean.” After being so overstimulated, the heat of your approaching orgasm burns across your body with the quick pace of his fingers, heavy as it simmers ever hotter. You whimper raggedly, and both sets of eyes lock on the tense lines of your body. You feel exposed, like you’re laid out like this just for them. It’s that thought that pushes you over the edge again.

As soon as he feels you coming, Mattsun slightly slows his overwhelming pace as he strokes you through it, carefully watching you writhe beneath him. The all consuming feeling of your orgasm drags a pathetic sound from you, voice coming out frayed. This one lasts so long it’s almost uncomfortable. You feel like you’re wound so tight you’ll never be able to relax your muscles again. The heady mixture of pleasure is barely outweighing the feeling of discomfort that surges through your body, your abs flexing so hard you curl forward as your cunt squeezes around Issei’s fingers. The hot burn of pleasure fogs your brain, it feels so incredible it’s all you can think about.

You don’t realize how hard you’re crying until you feel the pads of Hiro’s fingers against your cheek. He’s gently wiping your tears, shushing you between bouts of praise tumbling from his lips, “So fucking good,” there’s reverence in his tone, “so perfect, baby look at you.” You let his words wash over you, giving you something to focus on as you come down from your seemingly endless high, doing your best to even out your stuttering breaths.

When you’re finally able to crack your eyes open, still watery, you find them both looking down at you awestruck. Both of Hiro’s hands are on your face now, thumbs stroking over your cheeks as he lowers himself to meet your gaze. “You did so good, baby,” a soft hum in agreement from Mattsun. You look up at them, the rise and fall of your chest much less frantic.

Mattsun whispers your name and you look up to meet his eyes. The tone of his voice matches the softness of his expression, void of the patronizing edge from just a few minutes ago, “Hi, pretty.” Your nose scrunches as you smile up at him. “You wanna keep going?” he pauses, eyes searching yours. His brows are furrowed in mild concern, “You already did so well, baby it’s okay if you want to be done.” You hum at his question, glancing to note that they’re both fully hard; you take in the sensations of your body, flexing your fingers. You smile up at him, soft and hazy, “Mmhm…” you pause, finding your voice, “I’m good, w’nna keep going,” through the haze of endorphins your expression settles into something a little teasing, “Y’missed out earlier.”

Issei smiles down at you, brows smoothing as he reaches to run a hand across your thigh. “Okay, baby. Whatever you want.” Hiro’s been sitting quietly at your shoulder, fully bare as he comfortingly strokes his fingers across your skin on your chest. You turn to him, glancing at his hard length then lifting your eyes to meet his, your brow raised in a silent question. He follows your eyes then teases lightly, “What, sweetheart?” he wraps a hand around himself, stroking a few times, “You want this?”

You nod eagerly and lean forward. He presses the tip to your lips and you part them easily. You moan at the salty taste of him on your tongue, his velvet skin hot against your lips. He pulls back momentarily, moving to place a pillow beneath your head, easing the strain on your neck and shoulders, allowing you to take him deeper. You murmur your thanks before taking him back in your mouth, hands resting on his thighs. “Squeeze if you need a break, yeah?” You meet his eyes and hum around him in affirmation.

A few bobs of your head later, Makki fists his hands gingerly into your hair, you look up at him, gaze simmering with want. With a quiet moan he pulls you forward, slow at first to let you adjust to his length. You push at the back of his thigh, impatiently encouraging him to fuck your throat the way you know he wants to. He bites his lip as your eyes slide closed, jaw relaxing as he begins to fuck into you. With a satisfied groan you take what he gives eagerly, relaxing fully around him as his tip nudges the back of your throat.

You’d noticed Mattsun standing to shed his clothes, but now you’re so focused on being good for Hiro that you don’t notice Issei joining you on the bed again until you feel Hiro’s hips stutter. You crack your eyes open to see Mattsun’s hands on Makki’s chin, grip firm as he sucks his tongue into his mouth, eyes lidded. Hiro moans through parted lips as you begin to press forward to meet his thrusts, nose brushing against the soft hair at the base of his cock with every slow press.

Your breath is ragged as your eyes lock in on Issei’s hand. The grip of his long fingers, adorned with several silver rings, loosens to skirt along Hiro’s bicep before dropping to brush across your cheek, nestling his palm against your flushed face. You look up at them, Hiro’s hold firm in your hair as he fucks your throat. Wet lashes flutter shut as you lean into his touch, saliva drooling down your chin.

Mattsun’s touch is gentle on your cheek--until it’s not. The harsh sting of the impact and the subtle ringing in your ears pull a long, ragged moan from you. Mattsun looks down at you with fire in his eyes, praise spilling roughly from between his lips at odds with the roughness of his hands, “Good girl.” Your eyes struggle to open, tears falling as you fight past the heavy fog of arousal.

You distantly feel Makki nudge your shoulder and eventually realize that he’s trying to get you to roll over. He pulls you off of him, pushing your hair out of your face as you draw in ragged breaths. With firm but gentle hands, he pushes and pulls at you until you’re on your hands and knees before pressing your shoulders down gently into the pillows, drawing your back into a deep arch as Mattsun moves behind you.

Issei kneads the fat of your ass as he lines himself up to press in. He can see the last of Makki’s cum beginning to drip down your slit and runs his tip through it, brushing against your clit before pressing inside of you. He’s thicker than Makki, but slides in to the hilt easily, aided by your wetness. He grinds in once more before pulling completely out of you on the next thrust, the head of his cock popping past your swollen entrance.

You whimper and sink your chest further into the bed, “‘Sei…” He hums like he didn’t hear you (he did). “Issei please,” you whine, your voice desperate and ragged, eyes teary. With your cheek pressed into the cool pillowcase you fold your arms obediently behind your back--hoping your easy submission will urge him to stop teasing. Your hands grasp at your forearms, nails digging in and leaving small crescent shaped indents behind on your skin. Mattsun groans low in his chest as he watches you, “Look at you, being such a good girl.” Hiro mutters a curse, hand moving slowly as he jerks himself off next to you. They both watch you clench, miserably empty, at Issei’s praise.

Finally, he presses back in. There’s no teasing this time as he sinks in to the hilt in one even stroke. He doesn’t let you adjust before pulling out only to fuck back into you with a sharp snap of his hips. You’re desperately trying to hold still, nails digging into your forearms; he’s big and you feel an almost uncomfortable stretch despite being so wet. Hiro seems to notice your struggle and drags his blunt nails gently across the skin of your shoulders in an effort to shift your focus. It works, your brain drinks in the dull scrape on your skin as the stretch morphs from discomfort to pleasure.

Issei sets a harsh pace, taking the time to press even deeper every time he bottoms out. Your brain has gone radio silent, your harsh moans replaced by an almost constant stream of soft whimpers that come with every thrust of Issei’s hips. Every exhale bringing with it a fluttering sound of pleasure. Pain flares, a sharp smack against the meat of your ass, drawing out a long, rasping groan.

If you had the brain power to turn and catch sight of your partners, you’d be able to watch the way one of Mattsun’s hands settles on the nape of Hiro’s neck while the other comes down to hold your folded arms in place, pushing your chest harshly into the sheets. Ever the multitasker, Issei pulls Hiro’s lips needily against his own, groaning low in his chest at the collision of lips and teeth. The tempo of Makki’s fist speeds to match Issei’s pace, cursing against his lips.

You’re floating in an ocean of seemingly never ending pleasure. Everything feels so overwhelming and even if you had the power to stop it, you wouldn’t want to. Makki pulls away from the rough kiss to look down at you, voice broken by another moan, “Fucking look at her, Mattsun.” Watching your body give in so fully to the onslaught of pleasure has a blazing heat pooling in his stomach. He briefly pauses his rough strokes to move to Mattsun’s other side, desperate to see your face when he comes.

Taking in your fucked out expression, helpless against everything they’ve given you, his hand speeds up, thumbing over his leaking tip once more before the burn of his second orgasm punches a long moan from his chest and he spills across your arched back. He grabs roughly onto Mattsun’s bicep to steady himself. Issei whines as he watches Makki’s cock jump above your soft skin, hips finally beginning to lose their consistent rhythm. Hiro, still breathing heavily, pulls him into a searing kiss. Biting at his lip harshly, more moaning into each other's mouths than actually kissing, “C’mon Mattsun,” one hand presses your pliant body further into the mattress while the other moves to Issei’s chest, pinching a dark nipple between his finger tips, “w’nna see you cum.”

A wet spot has formed against your cheek from the steady drip of tears down your face. You’re so focused on letting go, on being so good for your partners that your orgasm takes you by surprise. You honestly didn’t think you could come again after the intensity of the last one, but in a rare moment of clarity you feel Mattsun begin to cum inside of you. You suck in harsh breath as your whole body tenses, it almost scares you how long you float on the edge, wound so tight it’s impossible to draw in a breath. Mattsun curses roughly against Hiro’s lips, both of them seemingly just as shocked as you were by the sudden onslaught of another climax.

When you finally tip over, it’s with a long moan that sounds as if it was ripped from somewhere deep inside of you, raw and guttural as it leaves your lips. Every nerve in your body feels electrified, the pleasure burning so hot it feels like your skin is on fire.

After an immeasurable amount of time spent burning in the cauldron of hot, all consuming pleasure, cunt spasming around Issei who’s still seated inside of you, your body slackens. You feel your shoulders twitch raggedly and you realize distantly that they’re being moved by your own soft sobs. Trying to open your eyes feels like an insurmountable challenge, but when you finally do Hiro is lying next to you, fingers tracing your cheekbones so lightly you didn’t even realize he was there.

You meet his eyes as your vision slowly brings him into focus, pools of dark underbrush touched softly by warm sunlight filtering through the canopy. He smiles at you, speaking softly, “You did so good, baby,” you see Mattsun slip into the ensuite bathroom over his shoulder, “so good.” You hum back at him, breathing still roughened by an occasional sob, but you’re content to let his soft, sincere words wash over you. Warm palms help you relax onto the bed, carefully unwrapping your hands from around your forearms and softening the arch of your back until you’re laying flat on your stomach.

“She’s pretty far under,” Hiro mumbles to Mattsun as he walks back into the room clad in clean boxers and a big t-shirt, warm washcloth in hand. He hums as he sits next to your hip and nudges your thighs apart gently, doing his best to wipe the mixture of their cum from between your legs. You whine when he brushes over your clit, the sensation overwhelming--and not in a good way. He shushes you softly, “I know, baby…I know, I’m sorry,” you feel Hiro tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, “let me do this and then I’ll go make you breakfast ‘kay?” You do your best to nod as Hiro ever so gently rubs feeling back into your arms and hands, your fingers tingle with numbness from having them pinned behind your back.

The last few tears escape from between your lashes as Mattsun tosses the rag in the general direction of the laundry basket. A shiver wracks through your body, another whimper passing between your lips. Makki’s brow creases, “Are you cold, baby?” You rub soft circles onto the skin of his wrist as you speak, voice slurring quietly, “W’n a sweater.”

Hiro smiles down at you, “Mine or Issei’s?” You wiggle a bit as you think, trying to get comfortable, “Sei’s…” The warm timbre of his voice comes from behind you, “Okay, sweetheart, hold on.” He returns quickly, a faded blue hoodie in hand—your favorite of his to steal. With a little maneuvering and a bit of giggling at your still uncoordinated movements your form is wrapped in soft fabric before you snuggle back into your pillow. Mattsun lays against your back, his breath even against the sensitive skin at the back of your neck.

They both sit there with you, letting the minutes pass as they dote on you--soft, comforting touches of warm hands and easy kisses placed on every reachable expanse of skin. You eventually come back to yourself, past the fog of subspace and fully into the warmth of your bedroom. It’s late in the morning, nearly noon when Issei stands to stretch. He places a soft kiss on your forehead before leaning over to place another on Hiro’s. “You missed breakfast, want me to make you an omelette?”

You roll onto your back, arms stretching above you before sitting up to lean against the headboard. You move Makki’s head to your lap, playing with his soft pink hair as you reply, “Yes please,” he smiles in return. Brushing a strand of soft hair behind his ear, you ask Hiro, “Y’want mushrooms? I picked some up yesterday.” He nods in your lap and you bring your eyes back up to smile at Mattsun again, “Thank you, baby.” You watch a small flush dance across his cheeks at the pet name and he leans down to kiss you again. You turn to ask Hiro if he’s tired and belatedly realize he’s fallen back asleep, chest rising and falling in an even rhythm.

A soft laugh leaves you, complimented by a low chuckle from Issei, “Good thing it’s Sunday, huh?” He hums in agreement, pulling the bedroom door open on his way to the kitchen; leaving you and Hiro to snuggle into your sun-soaked nest of blankets for a few more minutes.

#haikyuu!!#poly!matsuhana #matsuhana #matsuhanaxreader #hanamaki takahiro #matsukawa issei #matsukawa x reader #hanamaki x reader #hq x reader #punkspice writes

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torukmaktoskxawng · 1 year ago

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tsamsiyu ta'em - calm before the storm

Masterlist - part seventeen

Summary: Just as the chapter's title suggests. It was the calm before the storm…

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fluff! Some awkwardness that happens after one makes a confession lol. Trauma regarding torture, loss of a child, body dysmorphia, etc. There's a plot twist at the end of this chapter ;)

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover @ikeyniofthetayrangi @cardi-bre91

A/n: Hiii 🥰 I'm very sorry for the hiatus that I originally promised wasn't going to be a hiatus. To escape life, I dove into other fixations such as Destiny 2, the Fallout show, Dune Part 2, and Bridgerton... yeah, I did some bouncing. So far, my summer has been fantastic! Anyway, here's another chapter before I inevitably disappear again 😂

Enjoy!

If there was anything Kayla was extremely grateful for, it was that Spider didn't have a heightened sense of smell as the Na'vi did.

She could smell both Ronal and Tonowari on her skin, and while it internally delighted her, she felt her skin prickle at the thought of Spider of all people being traumatized and learning about her very recent courting by smell alone as they share close quarters with one another. The thought mortified her more than anything, more than the idea of eventually having to tell Jake.

Thankfully, Spider returned home that day none the wiser, Ronal and Tonowari already long gone even with their scents still lingering in Kayla's nose. She felt like a teenager again, embarrassed and trying to hide it from her parents. However, she quickly stomped down that thought at the harsh reminder that she's a grown-ass woman and Spider wasn't a very judgemental kid. He was also someone who had caught onto Ronal and Tonowari's interest in Kayla early on and wouldn't be surprised if he learned the truth.

With that in mind, Kayla emerged from her kelku the next morning wearing the new top the Metkayina clan leaders had gifted her. For a very brief moment, she felt exposed and uncomfortable, the woven beads cool against her skin, but then, she looked down at herself and felt her body relax to see that the top covered just about as much as her threadbare red shirt did. It wasn't even close to revealing as some of the tops Kayla had seen Na'vi women wear, even with the low cut. A small part in the back of Kayla's head felt delighted to realize that this top was definitely made for her.

She still wore her shorts, but the small change in attire was still noticeable as she quickly learned. Na'vi eyes silently observed her as she walked through the village, and even though she heard the Metkayina whisper as she passed them, they weren't hateful or disgusted, but more in awe. Her skin crawled because she didn't know if she preferred it or would much rather have them feel indifferent to her again.

While their eyes all noticed her top, Kayla almost felt the need to throw her shirt back over herself at the thought that the Metkayina might also smell her new scent as well. It would explain the way their noses would twitch and their ears all perk up and turn in her direction when they haven't even noticed her presence yet.

If Spider noticed any of it, he didn't say a word, instead, he informed Kayla that he would be deep-diving with the other reef boys that afternoon. Something crawled in her stomach at the reminder of Ao'nung and other reef boys leaving Lo'ak alone outside the reef before she sternly told Spider to make sure either Lo'ak or Tsireya was with them. Apart from the small, suspicious stare, Spider didn't question her, taking his new bow in hand and heading out to meet his friends, waving back to Kayla as he went and promising to be back before supper.

Walking along the beach, Kayla recognized the tsahik from a mile away, fingers entangled in a worn fishing net. As Kayla walked over to the other woman, she watched the way Ronal's ears lifted and moved in her direction. Ronal looked up from her work and recognized Kayla from a distance, and by the time the dreamwalker approached her, it wasn't hard to deduce how pleased she looked, eyes dancing approvingly over the avatar woman's figure, reaching a hand out to lightly adjust the top on Kayla before nodding once with confidence,

"It suits you perfectly. I was afraid it would not be able to hold up against your beauty."

Despite having a young Na'vi body, Kayla felt as though her heart was ready to give out, her feet barely catching when she initially stumbled in reaction to Ronal's compliment. Kayla's eyes quickly averted, the tip of her ears feeling warm as she quietly thanked the tsahik and changed the subject, making plans to see both her and Tonowari later. After making a brief conversation as to what each other's plans were for the day, Kayla had turned to leave but nearly jolted out of her skin when she felt a gentle tug on her tail. She couldn't help the feigned glare she threw back at Ronal, internally delighted by the rare mischief she saw in the Metkayina woman's eyes, but trying not to show it. Kayla's fake irritation only appeared to amuse Ronal forward, the tsahik tilting her head at the avatar while appreciatively staring her up and down once more, forcing the heat from Kayla's ears to travel down her neck.

The avatar cleared her throat and then finally departed, hiding her own smile as she thought back to Ronal's well-hidden playful behavior. It was nothing like the woman who sharply tugged Kayla's tail the day they first met, further showing just how much things have changed around here.

Summoning an ilu, Kayla makes her way through the reef, reaching the atoll wall where all the various pools travel up one side like stairs, catching various sealife whenever the tide rises up and down. Dozens of Metkayina are fishing and gathering in these pools, with nets, and baskets at their feet. Kayla zeros in on one particular Na'vi and swims over after letting her ilu take off, climbing up onto the slippery wall to make her way over to her friend.

Rutxa looks up and appears smug at the sight of Kayla, blue eyes pointedly narrowed on the avatar's new top while dramatically sniffing the air, "You look... enamored. Had a good evening?"

Kayla's eyes narrow, "Don't play dumb. I bet you're just dying to weave a story about it."

Their grin remained playful, humming dramatically as if deep in thought, "Perhaps if you tell me all about it, I won't have to... fabricate any details."

Kayla lets out a humorous scoff, shaking her head, "You're horrible."

"Yes, that was what my mother called me. Don't abuse it."

The laugh that bubbles out of Kayla coincides with the screech of an approaching ikran. The sound makes Kayla pause and look up to the sky in order to discover which ikran. She only had to briefly catch the color to know the banshee was Neytiri's bonded, and a small wedge of dread made its home in Kayla's chest.

Neytiri lands her ikran gracefully, several yards away from any Metkayina as they go about the pools of the atoll wall. The Na'vi woman looks around before her eyes land on her intended target. Kayla half expected her sister-in-law to bristle at the sight of her, but she felt a small bit of genuine confusion when all she saw was a woman who was trying to appear small and guarded. If Kayla wanted to verbally taunt, she would've pointed out to Neytiri that she almost looked guilty. The two women stare at each other for some time before Neytiri takes a deep breath and starts slowly walking forward, her face pinched with dread at the idea of the long-awaited conversation she was no doubt forcing herself to partake in.

Kayla takes her own deep breath and then motions Rutxa to wait here before drifting over to meet Neytiri halfway. While it felt as though they walked forever to reach each other, both women found themselves standing right in front of one another only seconds later, neither saying a word while their eyes never fully meeting, both hesitant to say anything at first due to their ongoing impasse.

Neytiri looks Kayla up and down before she swallows her pride, both visibly and internally as she opens her mouth, "Your clothes. They are lovely."

The Sully sister's eyes dart off to the side, her words are stiff but courteous, "Thank you."

"Did the tsahik make it?"

The mention of Ronal made Kayla's ears twitch, "What gave it away?"

"It would explain why she asked me about making a bow for Spider. And--" she takes a small whiff of the air around her mate's sister, "You smell like her. Tonowari, too."

"... I see. Don't tell Jake."

She raised a hairless brow at the other woman, "I will not need to. He will smell it."

Kayla pointedly doesn't blink, finally staring directly into Neytiri's eyes with a stern expression, "Which is why I am avoiding him at the moment."

Neytiri quietly observes Kayla, yellow eyes piercing into one another's gaze, trying to sniff out each other's thoughts. The Omatikaya woman is wracked with bafflement. It is a beautiful thing for one to finally find their mate, or, in this case, mates. It should never be something to be ashamed of, as newly mated pairs often run to their families to excitedly share the news. The fact that Kayla would rather hide and avoid Jake baffles Neytiri. She wanted to hiss and scold both of the former sawtute for what was clearly a spat between siblings, along with a dash of pride, but at this time and place, she knew Kayla wouldn't accept nor appreciate her scolding.

Still, it bothered the Na'vi woman. Neytiri knew the two siblings had a lot of conflict between them, but to go as far as to not share such wonderful news with each other? Neytiri would give anything to be in Kayla's position. She would've given anything to be able to excitedly share life updates with her own sister once more. Sylwanin used to love hearing how Neytiri's day went before bed, even though Neytiri wasn't in turn thrilled to hear about what her sister and Tsu'tey would get up to in the woods. Then again, Neytiri was the only person her sister trusted with that information, and it shattered Neytiri's heart to think how she had taken that for granted. She will never make that same mistake again, and any secrets Sylwanin entrusted to her will die with Neytiri.

Hence why she couldn't bring herself to deny Kayla when the other woman was clearly trying to tell her not to share her secrets with Jake. Neytiri exhaled through her nose and nodded in defeat, "I will not breathe a word."

Kayla stiffly nodded and briefly looked away, peering over her shoulder to see if Rutxa was still waiting for her. Neytiri's conflict was easily undetected, watching Kayla when the avatar wasn't looking with a pained expression in her eyes. Everything that had come between the two women lately was pounding against Neytiri's skull, begging her to say something, to make things right, to finally confess her sins out loud. It has been plaguing her ever since the boy-- ever since Spider confronted her about her distaste and mistreatment toward him. Ever since he made her stand in the eyes of her inner demons, her hidden thoughts no longer feel as hidden as they used to be and she's been struggling to accept everything he said was true.

'Denial is a river in Egypt.' It's a phrase she's not familiar with, but it's something she remembered Grace used to say when Neytiri was a child. When the scientist explained what it meant, somehow it threaded its way into Neytiri's head, and she had yet to forget about it. No one could deny Neytiri's grief after everything she's been through, but neither could anyone deny how unfair she had been to Spider his whole life. Despite knowing how innocent he was, Neytiri refused to See him. Despite eventually accepting Jake and loving him for who he is, she couldn't do the same for Spider, and despite knowing how that hurt the child, she didn't care. Or at least-- not at the time. The fact that she didn't care for a child and his feelings was something she came to terms with long ago, but staring Kayla in the face and simply stating she wasn't Spider's mother haunted Neytiri in her sleep.

The expression Kayla gave terrified Neytiri, guilt riddled her mind and heart. She didn't originally care how her words might hurt Spider, but the guilt she felt when her words affected Kayla felt like she took an arrow through the stomach. It only got worse when Neytiri took the time to look around and see everyone else's reactions. Those who mattered most to her, her husband and her children, all had looked at her as though they didn't recognize her. They looked at her as if she was some sort of monster. After spending time to herself, replaying her words to Spider and everyone's faces, Neytiri finally admitted to herself that they were right. She was a monster. She might not be like Quaritch, but she shouldn't go around and pretend she was better than him, especially after they both held a child at knifepoint for the sake of another.

Neytiri had looked down at her reflection in the water that same day -the day Spider called her out- and suddenly realized she no longer recognized herself. Even though there were things no one could blame her for, there were still moments in her life where Neytiri knew she could've done better. Yes, she let her children play with Spider, but she never once acknowledged him. She didn't have to claim him as hers, but she could've at least made the boy feel welcome. She could've invited him to a family dinner at least once, or given a comment or two on how to properly hold a bow when she caught him trying to teach himself.

So many instances flash over Neytiri's eyes, instances where she could have shown kindness or care to a little orphaned boy who had done nothing but admire her family and love her children with every fiber of his little being. But she didn't. And when she thought back to the young woman she used to be... before Hometree and before her father... before Tsu'tey and Sylwanin... that young woman would have shown such kindness to Spider. By Eywa, that young woman might have even grown to love him as she had grown to love Jake.

Regret will forever be her friend as Neytiri finally comes to accept that she was wrong. Feeling a little more courageous with Kayla's eyes no longer on her, Neytiri spoke up once more, albeit a little more softly, and with the most sincere regret, "I am sorry."

Unaware of Neytiri's internal conflict, Kayla's eyes return to hers, squinting with disapproval, "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

Neytiri pressed her eyes shut for a moment, the guilt bleeding into her expression as her ears pinned back against her skull, "I am sorry to you as well. I had threatened your son. I almost killed him in front of you."

"He's n--" Kayla's words caught in her throat, then she swallowed them down and looked away again, trying to hide the small pain in her voice, "Thank you."

Neytiri nods, voice a little more sure, "I would not be any better than the monster who took my son away from me if I took yours."

Kayla wanted to be firm and agree, but her tongue swelled in her mouth, with something itching at the back of her mind that told her not to sound petty and vindictive. A question kept nagging at her, the same question Kiri once asked her. What would she have done if she was in Neytiri's place that night? It was a scenario she couldn't imagine in her head, even if she could imagine a lot.

She hesitates, her posture relaxing and less guarded as she softly asks, "Can... can you explain it to me? So that I can try to understand?"

A visible wince flashed over Neytiri's expression, her eyes wide with distress in response to Kayla's question. Neytiri wasn't sure she could describe what she felt... not without breaking down, that is. Then again, it had been the first time anyone had asked her how she felt instead of just assuming and giving her time to herself. She didn't want that anymore. She's had plenty of time to herself, and a part of her was angry at everyone who continued to give her a wide berth. Solitude was something she no longer needed, and she wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was going to break.

Perhaps talking about it was something Neytiri needed just as much as Kayla in order to feel some sort of comfort. The idea makes her take a deep breath and slowly answer, "It is not the same as losing a parent, in my eyes. I lost my father, and even though I miss him every day, we are told that our parents will join Eywa before us and that they will be waiting for us there when we eventually do the same. For a child... it's different. A parent should always go before their child. That should always be the way of things... and that was stolen from me. You might not know this, but you should be prepared for when Ronal has her child. When we are born, the first tsaheylu is with our mother. To form that strong and emotional bond. To lose the first child I ever bonded with--"

Kayla's tail and ears lower, blinking rapidly to contain hidden pain, her imagination running wild with everything Neytiri had described. It helped that Neytiri was trying to explain it... but Kayla couldn't imagine how it must feel for a grieving mother to say all of this out loud.

Neytiri sucks in a sharp, wheezing breath, but it wavers and her lips begin to quiver. Her eyes grow wet with tears as her hand reaches up to try and gently claw at her chest, visibly and verbally shaking, "The pain for my father and even my sister do not compare... I feel as though I have a gaping wound in my chest that will not stop bleeding. It's always there, ever flowing, and I cannot take a breath without remembering it. My baby who I had kept safe inside me for so long... suddenly ripped from my arms before he could find love... or have a family... or be the olo'eyktan he was always meant to be... I had always wanted to see him as a father, and now I will never have that."

Saying it out loud felt as though she was living Neteyam's death all over again. Fresh tears spilled down Neytiri's beautiful face, carving a familiar path down her cheeks as a sob interrupted her explanation. Her chest squeezed painfully, and her sobs only got worse as Kayla suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, purposely hiding Neytiri's face as the grieving mother continued to cry her heart out, wishing she could just be numb. Neytiri didn't miss the way Kayla buried her own wet face to hide from the world, nuzzled into Neytiri's shoulder. The female Na'vi continued to sob, and even though the grief was still too fresh, it helped to have finally put it all into words. It helped to know that someone was trying to understand her when she felt as though everyone else could only pity her.

"I'm sorry..." Kayla whispered as Neytiri's cries began to subside, "I could never imagine what that feels like."

Neytiri didn't miss how her shoulder felt wet where Kayla's face lay, and something inside the Na'vi woman snapped into place. She didn't want Kayla to imagine. She didn't even want Kayla to understand because that would mean having her sister-in-law go through the same agony she went through. Neytiri didn't want anyone to go through the loss of a child, let alone her husband's dear sister. The thought of having Kayla go through pain similar to hers nearly brought Neytiri to anger. Determined and dry of her tears, Neytiri pulled away, lifting her hands to rest gently on Kayla's shoulders, fixing her with a sharp eye.

"I do not want you to ever experience this pain. I do not want you to end up like me, ma tsmuke."

Kayla shook her head, "There's nothing that says it's wrong to end up like you. You're a good woman and a good mother. You're fiercely protective of your children. Any mother would thrive if they were even remotely like you," watching doubt and pain creep back up Neytiri's face drives Kayla to quickly add, "And I was wrong if I ever suggested otherwise. I never blamed you for protecting your children, Neytiri."

"I know," the Na'vi woman whispers, eyes briefly lowering to the ground in shame, "But I should have never belittled you for protecting yours."

The two women stand in silence once more, now filled with understanding as two mothers protecting their young. With her newfound determination, Neytiri raises her head high, straightens her posture, and stiffly nods, "If you'll allow me, I will go apologize to the boy."

Kayla is silent for the moment, carefully watching Neytiri before slowly replying, "... I better not hear that you hurt him again."

"You won't."

And with that, both women nod and part ways. Neytiri moves back in the direction of her ikran while Kayla stands still and watches her leave. Wiping the remaining tear tracks on her face as she walked, a thought crossed Neytiri's mind, making her pause in her tracks. A brief memory of Sylwanin flashes through her mind, happy and glowing as she tells Neytiri that Tsu'tey had begun courting her. It was a small pain in her heart at the memory, a small pinprick of a needle, faint but still causing her heart to bleed at the thought of her sister. Swiftly turning back around, Neytiri briefly sees Sylwanin in the flesh, standing there with a beaming smile before the facade fades, and reverts back to Makayla, whose head was tilted while quizzically watching Neytiri.

Neytiri's breath stuttered for a moment before the words began to tumble from her mouth, "For what it is worth, ma tsmuke, I am happy for you. If Ronal or Tonowari or either of them hurt you, I will kill them for you."

The words briefly stun Kayla, eyes wide and jaw open with shock, before the spell breaks and she finds herself laughing. The needle in Neytiri's heart fades, along with the pain of her sister's memory. Neytiri found herself smiling as well, proud that she pulled such a reaction from her new sister.

~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Spider came home before dinner, and Kayla looked up from cleaning her AR with a smile, "Hey, kiddo."

"Do you have to do that a lot?" Spider tilts his head down at the weapon with curiosity, then briefly looks back at his charge, "Will it not work otherwise?"

Kayla rolls her lips, unsure of how to explain to a child who prefers the life of a Na'vi compared to humans. She shakes her head, "It could jam, for one. I have to clean it for the same reason you have to eat. It needs to function."

Spider nods and says nothing else, which sounds off a dozen other bells in Kayla's head, quick to understand that his questions and attempt at small talk usually meant something else was going on and he was deflecting. She knows that behavior all too well. She sets the weapon aside and gives all her attention to the teen, knowingly smirking at him, "What's up?"

His eyes immediately dart away, arms folding in around him as if to protect what little there was left to hide. He looked embarrassed, ashamed he had been caught as he mumbled under his breath, "Neytiri apologized."

Her expression melts into something solemn and sincere, nodding once, "I know."

"Did you make her?" He asked with suspicion in his gaze.

"No, but she asked me if she could."

"How come?"

Kayla shrugged, feigning innocence as she tried to play nonchalantly, "I'm guessing she was under the impression I didn't want her anywhere near you."

He stared at her for a while, unconvinced, "Right."

Then he moved on to the next topic, "'You gonna break your link tonight?"

Kayla groaned quietly, playfully rolling her eyes up at the ceiling of the marui, "Yeah. Norm radioed earlier to pester me, and I figured I'd see how everyone was doing. 'You need me to tell him anything?"

"My spares' got plenty of battery. I'll be good for a while. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

She wakes in the link bay with a queasy stomach and a splitting headache.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she broke her link, but the moment the blinding lights of the biolab flashed in Kayla's face as the lid of the gurney was lifted, she felt her stomach turn and she had to bite the inside of her cheek.

Sitting up with a stifled groan, Kayla holds her head in her hand, trying to stop the bright room from spinning. Norm, dutifully standing beside her with his arms crossed, decided not to beat around the bush, even in her weakened state,

"You can't keep doing this, ya know. Staying back there for long periods of time is going to kill your body here, one day at a time. It's safe to say you've reached the limit of human-avatar links."

"Maybe that's a good thing, Norm," Kayla muttered, able to roll her shoulders back and sit up straight without feeling dizzy, "With data like that, the RDA won't be able to get the go-ahead with building avatars for civilians. This can keep them at bay for a while."

"But it's not a good thing for you, Kayla."

"I know. I just..." she tried waving it off, avoiding Norm's narrowed gaze like a child being scolded, "I just need a little more time."

Norm scoffed, unimpressed, "You're stubborn. Just like your brother."

When that doesn't pull a reaction out of her, Spellman decides to break more bad news, "There's more. Scouts have reported seeing a rogue ikran dressed in military gear flying through the mountains, and it's pretty close to our base. They've confirmed the rider to be Colonel Miles Quaritch."

Clouded eyes flick briefly to Norm, widened with shock before Kayla looks away again, exhaling her opinion, "Fuck."

"I thought maybe you could tell Jake for me when you get back."

Kayla is silent for a few moments before she replies, "No. No, let's not tell him."

"What?" Norm rustled.

"If we tell Jake, he'll just wanna come back and track Quaritch down. Maybe that's what Quaritch wants. Right now, Jake needs to be with his family instead of looking for revenge."

Kayla's eyes return to her friend's, wide and pleading, "Please, Norm. Please don't tell him."

They have a silent stand-off, the occasional sound of machinery breaking said silence. Eventually, Norm's posture sinks in defeat, making him look smaller and older than he actually is, "... Fine."

"Swear it."

"I swear it... unless he asks me."

Kayla scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

"... When you say you need more time, I meant when I said you're just like your brother."

She silently watched him with confusion but didn't verbally ask what he meant, waiting for him to elaborate. Norm looks off to a far wall, recounting very distant memories he hadn't thought of in years, "He was also running out of time, and he was getting desperate. He said he needed more time; time to see Neytiri again."

When Norm looked back at Kayla, he noticed she was purposely keeping her own gaze glued to the floor, her long matted hair covering most of her face, mumbling to a point where he struggled to hear her, "It's not like that this time."

"You're lying." Norm immediately retorts, taking a gamble on his theory when Kayla doesn't immediately try to defend herself. They both knew she was lying only to herself, and Norm didn't hesitate to point it out, "Something's changed."

Seeing no point in lying or keeping it secret, Kayla sighs, "Tonowari and Ronal have officially asked to court me."

Norm's eyes widen, "And...?"

"I agreed but asked to wait on the rest of it until I'm officially one of the People."

"Smart..." He couldn't help it. He needed to lighten the mood and feel a little smug. Norm deserved that much as a boastful smile spread across his face, "Also 'I told you so.'"

Kayla scowls, her eyes finally looking up at him to express how stolid she felt, "Dick."

He snorts, unaffected, finally moving to sit down next to her on the gurney, "So... do they know about... you know... the fact you can't have kids?"

Her posture visibly stiffened, "It didn't come up, no."

"That's probably something you need to discuss with them, Kayla, and soon."

"I know."

His hand reaches out to lightly tap her knee, "I am not saying that it'll be a deal-breaker for them. I don't think they'll care, to be honest. But you don't keep secrets from the people you love."

"Hey," she nudged him back, trying to force a teasing smile on her face, "Why do you think I'm telling you all this?"

"How sweet," Norm scoffs goodnaturedly, "But that's just you trying to deflect."

~~~~~~~~~

It was strange being able to sleep in the shack again, and even more strange to be the only occupant. Kayla looked around the tiny man-made space, eyes flicking to her bunk, the desk, the small kitchenette, and then the vacant wheelchair she never had the heart to throw out when she first arrived at High Camp. It now lay folded up and leaning against the corner wall, former white letters that spelled 'Sully' now unrecognizable. A fond smile graced her lips when she thought back to the three weeks she and Spider stayed here and the teenager struggled to figure out how to balance on the accessible chair as it rocked on its back wheels. The attempt ended with him falling and rolling backward and leaving Kayla in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that he eventually joined.

The thought of her boy made her chest squeeze uncomfortably for a moment, the feeling of loneliness suddenly very apparent in this small shack. How strange that she was sitting in a place she had once tried to call home, but now she felt homesick for an island that was oceans away, or in her case, one neural link away. Realistically, she could go lay down in a link bay and wake up in her marui, awaken to Spider's nivi swinging slowly just off to the side of hers as he sleeps. Kayla shook her head and smiled to herself, amused at the idea of walking to the link bay only to be intercepted by either Norm or Max, both men who had adamantly told her not to link back until it was early morning in Awa'atlu so both her human and avatar form could receive separate reprieve.

As much as she would like to entertain the idea of rest, the lingering silence in her shack made it feel as though the walls were closing in around her. Kayla knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if she were alone, so she kept herself busy instead, starting with her overgrown hair.

Looking into the mirror that night, a small sense of normalcy returned when she had managed to cut her hair to the same short length she had when she first arrived on Pandora. While her reflection didn't initially scare her anymore without any matted long hair or sunken eyes, Kayla still had a hard time recognizing the woman in the mirror without blue skin or a piercing yellow gaze. It felt wrong and her skin prickled and itched with this revelation. A twisted part inside of her wanted to try and scratch her face off until she recognized it, but she refrained from doing so, knowing how delusional it sounded. It felt as though she was living in someone else's body and she needed to return to hers despite the logical voice in her head reminding her that she was born in this body, as a human, not a Na'vi, and she was foolish to believe otherwise.

The unrealistic voice in her head argued that there was nothing wrong with being a little foolish.

~~~~~~~~~

Waking in her avatar gave Kayla a wave of relief, sitting up in her hammock and stretching as if she had never left. The worries of the night before are immediately forgotten as she and Spider venture out of the home to search for friends and family.

The three reef children Spider has been associating himself with were the first of the day to greet them, and it was clear that the silent news of the Metkayina's clan leaders' courtship was not lost to their children. Kayla was surprised when Tsireya ran up and hugged the older woman's waist, the girl giddy and unable to contain her bright smile. Spider tilts his head curiously at the interaction but otherwise says nothing.

Kayla took a peek at the girl's brother and saw a slightly different story. Ao'nung was glaring, but not at Kayla or Spider. Ao'nung was scowling at Rotxo, the latter of whom looked gobsmacked while staring up at Kayla, unable to hide his shock even as he turned to his best friend to see his reaction. Ao'nung only scoffed and shoved Rotxo's surprised face away with one hand, mumbling to Spider that they should get a move on.

"Where are we going?" Spider asked curiously.

"Father wanted to show you how to weave our fishing baskets."

His play on words wasn't lost to the group, certainly not to Kayla and Spider. The adult avatar managed to hold back the wince at the thought of Spider silently noting how Ao'nung didn't say 'my father', but did her best to pretend she didn't even notice. Instead, Kayla decided to follow Ao'nung and Spider to the chieftain's marui, while Tsireya and Rotxo had split up to do some chores, promising to catch up with the other reef and Sully kids later.

Tonowari greeted them as they entered, both he and Kayla sharing a secret smile as she crouched down beside him. Having many obligations around the village yesterday, the olo'eyktan had only been able to see Kayla from a distance and had yet to get a better look at how she appeared in her new top apart from what Ronal had described to him. Kayla could tell how much he enjoyed seeing her wearing his courting gift by the way his large hand grazed over her skin, encompassing her back whenever both Ao'nung and Spider were occupied with the task he had given them.

The two teenagers were busy weaving large pieces of what would eventually become a fishing basket between them, taking up a lot of floor space with the amount of dry grass, seaweed, and pliant wood being used to fashion and form such a large item. Tonowari was mostly instructing Spider on how to do it since Ao'nung was already skilled in basket weaving, but the chief's son was also impatient and this served as a way to tame such impulse. The olo'eyktan works effortlessly alongside them, his words gentle yet stern,

"Work together, like brothers. You are building a house. You're building your village. You're building a family."

Kayla restrains her smile, despite how warm her chest felt while watching the three of them work together in weaving. She allowed herself to play at the idea of this image being hers one day without trying to get her hopes up. As she watches Tonowari instruct Ao'nung and Spider to take turns weaving their basket pieces together, she gives into the desire to call them 'my boys'... but only in her head.

~~~~~~~~~

Flashing lights, spinning faster and faster while his eyes are forced wide open to watch, feeling as though something sharp was penetrating his skull, embedding itself into his memories...

His screams go unheard this time, and no one comes to stop the machine, not even Quaritch, as the blood drips from his nose, bare skin cold against metal. Spider feels as though his head is going to explode--

Sitting up in his nivi, Spider finds himself gasping for air while his eyes try to get accustomed to darkness... no flashing lights in sight. His hammock gently swings with him as he moves, his mind taking an embarrassingly long time to remember where he was. Spider takes a bunch of large, greedy gulps of air, his breathing mask hissing in tandem, while he looks around the marui to remember he isn't alone.

Kayla was sitting up in her hammock and carefully watching him. Spider's mind briefly felt shame for being responsible for waking her, but he was too busy breathing to form an apology. It's not like she would accept it anyway. The two of them have already spent countless nights waking up due to Spider's nightmares, and Kayla has been adamant in assuring him that he wasn't at fault for any of it. Once she knows Spider is aware of her presence, Kayla silently stands up and moves over to the kid, standing over his nivi as he's sitting up, starting to relax.

When trying to talk, his throat felt raw and his voice only added to it, "... Hey."

"Hey," Kayla bravely reaches out to cup the back of his head, her hand a gentle, warm weight that feels a lot better than a cold, metal slab, "Was it the scanner again?"

He nods, but the moment Kayla goes to step away, something inside him panics. It felt stupid and childish, but Spider couldn't stop the impulse that made his arms move around Kayla's torso and pull her into a tight hug, pressing his mask up against her ribs as his body started to uncontrollably shake.

Kayla froze, arms raised in the air with hesitancy, blinking multiple times to ensure she was still wide awake and not just imagining this. The teenager only burrows further into her as if she had just found him lost in a shopping mall. For several seconds, she didn't even dare to breathe so as not to spook him before she eventually began to relax and gently settle her large arms around his shoulders, her voice softer than before,

"Alright... it's alright, Spider. You're safe now. What do you need?"

"Just," Spider huffed, feeling incredibly stupid yet distressed at the same time. He knows he shouldn't be acting so small and meek, but the idea of going back to sleep terrified him, "Talk. About anything."

The marui is filled with silence as Kayla wracks her brain to come up with things to say, and then decides that now might as well be as good of a time as any, especially if it meant helping distract Spider from his nightmares, "... Ronal and Tonowari have asked me to be their mate."

Initially, he's quiet while digesting the news, but he's honestly not surprised. He thinks back to the way both clan leaders and even their children had been treating him differently today and the day before. It explains the certain looks Spider has seen other Metkayina give Kayla and her new attire... and it would possibly explain Neytiri's sudden apology to him.

Instead of pointing all of these signs out to his guardian, Spider just snorts in his mask and keeps his arms around her waist, "I told you so."

"Shut up," Kayla huffed under her breath, but even he could tell there was no heat behind it, especially since her arms only tightened around him, "I'm not taking an 'I told you so' remark from a sixteen-year-old, especially since I already got that from Norm. I'm dense, okay?"

Spider laughed and let the silence linger for a minute before reopening his mouth, "... So? Did you accept?"

"Not entirely. I told them I wanted to wait until after my Iknimaya is complete."

"Makes sense. That's usually the way it goes. Courting sometimes lasts years for the Na'vi, so it's not entirely something they wouldn't be used to. You did the right thing."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways behind her, the tone in her voice sounding hopeful, "You think so?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to feel like a child for once, to be held and comforted before he answers quietly, "Yeah. I do."

~~~~~~~~~

While it was an honest answer, there were slightly different intentions behind it. Spider was impressed by the way Kayla handled her courtship, and any respectable Na'vi would approve of her mature decision to wait. However, Spider now felt as though he was racing against the clock, and at least this way, he still had some time to prove himself useful.

Now that he was proven right that Ronal and Tonowari did, in fact, wish to mate with Kayla, Spider felt the need to work harder and become a more willing and helpful individual. He did what he could without the ability to connect with a tswin and tried to always give a helping hand whenever and wherever. Offering help wasn't hard, especially if he offered it to Tsireya since she always had something for him to do, but some Na'vi still have a hard time accepting Spider's help for... obvious reasons.

But even if the Metkayina didn't want his help, the human teen wasn't just going to lie down in defeat. He found many ways of helping around the village, either by his friends' side or himself, now that everyone wasn't as worried about leaving him alone. Other than to help with chores, Spider barely spent time with his friends outside of work, too busy trying to keep himself relevant. He wanted-- no, needed to pull his weight, too ashamed of the idea of being useless to the point he would get left behind again. As silly as he felt for still having such fears... it was still warranted. He wanted to give the Metkayina a chance to trust him and consider him a viable part of this village so they wouldn't make him leave. As much as he missed the Forest, he couldn't bear the thought of going back alone. So if his friends and his... guardian were staying here, then so was he, and he was determined to prove that he deserved to stay here.

These thoughts plagued him almost every waking moment and thus distracted him from the world around him. While Spider was busy gutting and cleaning some fish Lo'ak had caught, he was approached by the very clan leaders he sought to impress, but hadn't noticed their presence until they spoke,

"Hello, Spider."

Spider's posture straightens instinctively in response to Tonowari's strong voice. Looking to his right, the teenager glanced up and met eyes with the olo'eyktan, standing tall beside his mate and greeting the boy with a pleasant smile. Spider stood up and appropriately greeted the clan leaders with a gesture of his hand and a small, almost sheepish smile, "Hello."

"Is your bow of any use?"

It was difficult to see behind the mask, but Tonowari could've sworn Spider's eyes brightened at the mention of his bow, "It's solid and nicely made. Thanks again."

"Of course."

Spider briefly glanced at the silent Ronal, and he felt as though he imagined the smile on the tsahik's face and quickly looked away to pretend he didn't see it, "Uh... is there anything I can do for you two?"

While Ronal may or may not have been smiling, Spider dared to describe Ronal's tone as sounding almost light when she spoke, "There might be."

Tonowari chuckled at her being vague and decided to specify for the boy who looked between the two of them with such confusion, "We came to ask for your blessing."

The boy tilts his head, "My... blessing?"

"To court your guardian, Makayla te Suli."

Spider appeared uneasy by their motive, crossing his arms over his chest while the confusion was still evident, "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be asking Jake?"

Ronal snorts lightheartedly, "Makayla has been vocal about who we should and shouldn't be asking for permission. It's not her brother's approval she wants, it's yours."

He stood there, motionless, trying to figure out the ever-growing puzzle in his head that was made in Kayla's image. He didn't know why she would tell both of her future mates to seek him out over Jake, someone who was related to her by blood, despite their differences. While Spider understood that Makayla felt responsible for him, that didn't mean he was suddenly entitled to any life-changing decisions she had to make. It's not like her decision to join Ronal and Tonowari's family would affect Spider... much.

The idea of being left in an empty marui came to mind, but he quickly stomped the image down, glancing off toward the ocean as he finally gave the two clan leaders his answer, "Then... yeah, I guess it's fine."

~~~~~~~~~

They must have told Kayla his answer, because once she returned home, Spider was met with a cautious look in her eyes,

"And you're really okay with this?" She asked without even greeting him.

Knowing what she was talking about without even asking, Spider only looked at her with the same confusion he had given Ronal and Tonowari, "Yeah?"

"Kid, I'm not doing anything that's going to make you uncomfortable."

Guilt ate away at his stomach, his sole purpose of trying to remain useful to the Metkayina still at the forefront of his mind. He didn't want Kayla to hold herself back for the sake of his comfort. That would only make him a burden and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed to prove that he didn't need her should the day come when she moved into the chieftain's marui and he was left behind.

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Spider tried to explain this to her without having to go into detail about his insecurities, "They're going to be your family someday, not mine."

Realization dawns on Kayla as her eyes widen, "Is that what you want?" When he doesn't answer, keeping his head lowered, Kayla tries a different approach when she feels as though she was onto something, "'Cause personally, I'd rather have you with me on this. I go where you go, kiddo and anyone who gets with me will have to deal with that."

Stunned, he looked up at her with disbelief, unable to help how accusatory his voice sounded, "Why? Why do you care so much?"

There it is. A question that should've been asked a long time ago, but Spider had always been afraid to ask, so confident that he wouldn't like the answer. As for Kayla, she had always been afraid of the day he'd finally ask her because she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the right thing or even give an honest answer. Half the time, she knew she was winging it when it came to taking care of Spider, but... isn't that what most people have been telling her parenting is all about? As much as she wished to continue being stubborn about it or outright refuse it, Kayla had to admit to herself that even if she would never be Spider's mother, she was the closest thing he had to a parental figure. And... she knew, deep down, that's what she wanted but she had been putting her own wants aside if it meant that's not what Spider wanted.

But clearly, he wanted to make sense as to why she wanted him to be comfortable with their new clan leaders, along with everything that came with them, so finally, Kayla took a deep breath and put it all out on the table, "Because you're a kid, Spider, and you deserve a family. I'm asking you if I can officially be your family. And who knows, maybe one day Ronal, Tonowari, and their kids could be your family."

Spider sucked in a sharp breath of air without realizing it, the soft hiss of his mask filling the marui. His nerves made him want to instinctually laugh it off like she was joking, but he didn't picture Kayla to be the kind of person who joked about such things, especially when he was involved. Replaying her words in his head, he almost believed he imagined it; like it was muffled in the back of his mind because that's what he wanted to hear her say... and yet the words had matched up with her mouth as she spoke... had he imagined it?

There was a small, nasty voice in the back of his head telling him that of course, he imagined it because why in her right mind would Kayla want to be his family? He's nothing but trouble and Kayla was being courted by the leaders of the Metkayina, two respected individuals whose image would surely be ruined by Spider's very presence.

Another small, more kind voice in his head told Spider that Kayla was right and that he deserved to have a family. Sure, it might not be the family he was born into or the family he had wanted practically his whole life, but it could be his, the family he actually needed. He thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya, two Na'vi who had become such unlikely friends... and yet they could be more? Ronal and Tonowari, who have been decent to him, could potentially be more?

Of course, there's also Kayla, the female avatar who looked unsure as she stood before Spider, staring down at him with fear as if she had said the wrong thing. He couldn't possibly hope that this was her intention, and so he swallowed the dryness in his throat before hesitantly replying,

"So... you're not asking if I'm comfortable about this for... other reasons?"

She frowned, "What other reasons?"

"I don't know..." he shrugged and found himself looking away, sheepish to admit it, "I thought you were asking me all this to make sure I would be okay with getting left alone again when you inevitably go to be with them."

He didn't see the way Kayla's eyes briefly widen in horror before she cursed under her breath, crouching down beside him while bravely placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Shit, Spider-- I'm sorry. I can see why that looked bad. No, I'm not leaving you alone just because I intend on seeing someone. I take my responsibilities very seriously, thank you very much."

Ah, yes. Responsibilty. That's who he was to Kayla. It was a good reminder for Spider not to get his hopes up, a reminder that Kayla was a parental figure, but she could never be more than that. He didn't dare glance over at the bookshelf where his mother's picture was displayed, not wanting Kayla to misinterpret anything.

"... Okay."

Kayla's eyebrows furrow, trying not to appear hopeful, "Okay?"

He nods, "Okay."

Kayla smiled then, more confidently and unaware of Spider's hidden thoughts, but he smiled back, regardless. She squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away, humming with a small, playful tone in her voice as she mentioned, "You know, eventually we'll have to move in with them, right? Are you comfortable with that? You know that families usually pile together at night."

Spider's face slowly begins to contort with uncertainty, "... You and I aren't used to that."

"Nope. We're not."

Nervously, he smiles, "Shit. Is that a dealbreaker?"

The laughter Kayla let out was cheerful and full of life. It was also contagious as Spider found himself laughing as well, and despite his doubt, there was a small bit of weight that had to been lifted from his shoulders. Despite being unsure of what the future holds for him... at the very least, there was going to be someone to keep him safe. Whether or not Kayla could be his family she mentioned, there was also the uncertainty of whether or not the clan leaders and their children would think the same. Either way, his acceptance clearly made Kayla happy, and he didn't want to ruin that with his insecurities.

~~~~~~~~~

If there's one thing Jake can confidently say about his sister, it's that if she wants him to know something, she'll tell him.

It was obvious to everyone that Kayla was not afraid to tell Jake whatever she was thinking. She's not afraid to speak her mind to him, no matter how brutal, and while there are times that Jake secretly appreciates it, lately it's been disheartening due to recent... obvious incidents.

So, when Kayla avoided him for two days, Toruk Makto enjoyed the peace and quiet, but Neytiri gave him a knowing expression that told him he wasn't being very true to himself in those moments. He eventually had to admit to himself that the silence was getting to him and he would've preferred his little sister yelling at him than straight up avoiding his presence. He eventually gave in and sought her out on the third day.

He finds his sister in her marui with Spider that morning, rolling up their separate nivi and getting prepared for the day ahead. Jake watches them for a moment, still unsure of how to address them if neither was going to admit they were mother and son, before announcing his presence. Kayla, once laid back and content, ready to face the day, now looked tense and wary at the sound of her brother's voice. Jake tried not to let it bother him, keeping his expression neutral as he offered to assist Kayla with any chores she had.

She agreed, with reluctance, and moved to meet him in the doorway. Jake did his best to keep his face impassive, but he struggled when Kayla walked close enough to the point he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was by no means her own, or the one Jake had affiliated as his sister whenever she was near. It smelled familiar, but it wasn't Kayla's and while it was faint, it was definitely new. It bothered him for a moment as both he and Kayla walked out of the marui together,his brain trying to conjure where he had smelled that particular scent before. While Jake wanted to mention it, he wisely doesn't say a word for many reasons. The whole scent debacle was a Na'vi thing and he could understand if Kayla wasn't entirely comfortable about the concept, and she may not understand it fully herself.

And like before, he knows that if there's something Kayla wants him to know, she'll tell him.

Kayla had asked Jake to help her with a canoe she's been wanting to make for a while now, and so together they conjured up the necessary supplies and started hauling it all back to her pod. She trailed behind Jake, silent for the most part, and the tension in the air was palpable, almost worse than the silent treatment she had been giving her brother for a few days. Jake knew something was right on the tip of her tongue, practically hearing the gears in her head without even needing to see her face as he walked in front of her. It was the same, intense silence he remembered experiencing when she was younger, right before she came out to her brothers. Tommy, ever the nurturing sibling, was worried for Kayla and had gently told her that if there was something she'd like to get off her chest, he and Jake would always hear her out, and no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Jake felt his chest squeeze painfully at the memory, so he was glad to distract himself from it when Kayla's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him,

"Jake."

He continued to walk towards her home as it drew near, ear tilted back in her direction, over his shoulder, "Hm?"

"There's something I got to tell you--"

She paused, and before Jake could ask her to elaborate, a soft thud from behind him gently rattled the woven pathway beneath his feet, followed by the sound of a large splash. Jake frowned and turned back around, only for his sister to no longer be standing there. In her place, was the basket of supplies she had been carrying, the contents spilled across the walkway and even rolling into the water below, the soft plopping sound of small items crashing into the water filling the air while Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

Something heavy falls in Jake's gut, as his ears point up and dance around in alertness. He reacts fast by quickly setting down his items and sprinting to the edge of the path, looking down into the water.

"Kayla!"

He sees a small shadow, quickly growing smaller as it sinks further into the water. It was the only thing that crossed his mind before diving into the sea.

The loud splash followed by Jake's distressed voice calling out to Makayla grabbed Spider's attention and steps out of the kelku, just in time to see the revered Toruk Makto diving straight into the water, abandoning baskets full of spilled supplies all along the pathway in his panicked rush. Spider's heart plummets in the five seconds Jake was underwater, and when the older man had yet to break the surface, Spider found himself running down the woven path toward the spot Jake had jumped from, even if he didn't believe he could be much help to a large, full-sized Na'vi, fearing the worst.

By the time Spider reached the deserted supplies scattered across the walkway, Jake had finally resurfaced, gasping for air while water spilled into his eyes and ears. The former marine struggled to paddle with just one arm back toward the path walk while trying to keep a fully grown female avatar afloat, her closed eyes doing nothing to help the panic begin to eat away at her brother's chest.

Despite being small, Spider scrambled to help Jake lift Kayla's body out of the water, hooking his arms underneath hers and lifting with all his might with a soft grunt. Jake helped by lifting Kayla's legs out of the water, and once she was lying across the pathway on her back, Jake lifted himself out of the water before frantically crawling over to her, gently shoving Spider out of Kayla's space so he could inspect her for injuries.

Nothing visible appeared to be wrong with her, but Kayla's eyes remained closed and when Jake initially dragged her out of the water, he couldn't help but notice how lifeless her body moved. Or, in a sense, didn't move.

"Hey!" Jake practically yelled in her face, his hand beginning to gently pat her cheek, only for the motion to grow into harsher slaps the longer she refused to open her eyes.

The panic that was beginning to rise up to Jake's throat only added to the stern, angry tone in his voice as he yelled at his sister's face, "Heyheyhey, wake up. Kayla!"

"Kayla?" Spider's voice called out, less afraid of sounding panicked while fear was evident behind his mask when directing his attention to Jake, "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know..." Jake initially replied before pausing his train of thought, a sinking feeling of familiarity washing over him when he started to analyze Kayla's symptoms and recognize the signs. It had been over a decade... but he'd seen this happen before, and the thought scared him.

"Spider, do you have your flashlight?"

Without asking for an explanation, Spider hands him the flashlight he kept in a small pouch of necessities he had tied around his loincloth.

"There we go..." Jake mutters under his breath almost as if trying to soothe and reassure himself, turning on the flashlight before leaning over Kayla's face. He takes his free hand and forces one of her eyelids to peel back, shining the bright light directly into her eye before moving on to the other one.

Her pupils don't move or even dilate, confirming Jake's growing fear, "Shit. She's not in there."

"What?" Spider croaked, suddenly hating the way his eyes felt warm.

"She's not in there," Jake automatically explained, "Something or someone interrupted her link."

Jake tries catching his breath, willing himself to regain a bit of self-control. He didn't want to assume the worst, but at the very least, Kayla wasn't dead, and her avatar didn't appear to be injured. For all he knew, Kayla had simply woken up hundreds of miles away, among their human allies and the Omatikaya. He'll just have to make a call back to High Camp and they can sort out this small situation. Nothing major...

He kept telling himself that as he bent down and lifted Kayla up into his arms, supporting her back and the crook of her legs while trying to maneuver around Spider, "Hang on-- watch out. Let's get her back to my place."

Spider dutifully follows, bounding down the woven path just to be able to catch up to Jake's long strides, the boy's eyes never leaving Kayla's avatar, "What do we do?"

"Let me try and contact Norm."

The walk back to the Sully marui felt like forever, with Jake trying to stamp down his growing anxiety the longer it took to get back. When they finally arrived, Jake and Spider brought Kayla inside only to find themselves alone, with no one else home. Jake gently lays Kayla down and immediately beelines for his long-range radio, gripping the device harshly as he speaks into it,

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over."

Jake releases the button and waits, the pod filled with static and silence. Spider kneels down beside Kayla's head, staring at Jake's radio with a rising, fluttering feeling in his chest that makes chills rise across his skin. As he and Jake continued to sit in silence, the lack of response on Norm's end was palpable.

Jake could hear his own heart racing in his ears as he brought the radio to his mouth once more, "Norm, it's Jake. Are you there? Norm?"

Silence.

"Norm? Norm?"

~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling High Camp as minutes turned into hours. Whether it was six or seven attempts, Toruk Makto had begun to inspect the radio to ensure it was even working, not wanting to entertain the thought that something might be wrong on the other end of the communication. Each time he spoke into the radio and then stopped to wait for a response, he couldn't help the glances he'd send over to Spider. Each time, as the silence lingered between each call, the teenager's face only fell further and it made Jake's chest feel like lead. By the time the suns were at the highest peak in the sky, the village stirred with whispers about Makayla te Suli's collapse. As people gradually learned what had happened, Jake found his home being bombarded with not only his wife and children as they raced back to the pod but other Na'vi as well, much to his surprise.

Some of his children's friends were also present. Ao'nung and Tsireya were with Lo'ak when they heard about what happened to Kayla and immediately came running back to the marui with him, concern etched on their young faces. Jake watched with confusion as the reef siblings moved like a well-oiled machine. Ao'nung, as if on instinct, knelt down beside Spider, inspecting Kayla's avatar while Tsireya sternly let Lo'ak know that she was going to fetch her parents.

Jake heard this but didn't register the words until the young girl was already heading out the door, and by then it was already too late to stop her. Lo'ak quickly distracted his father from his racing thoughts when he asked what had happened to his aunt. By the time Jake recounted the events, the rest of the Sullys were speeding into the marui and Tsireya had returned with the clan leaders.

Ronal was like a tidal wave as she bounded into the Sullys' home, a fearsome expression in her eyes that would immediately make any normal man flinch had Jake not been exposed to Grace Augustine's own ferocity,

"And why have you brought her back here instead of to me?"

"Because she's not injured and this has nothing to do with spirituality," Jake found himself saying robotically, instinctively falling into the role of Toruk Makto to help him not acknowledge the hidden anxiety deep in his gut, "Makayla's human form must have woken up and that's why she collapsed here. She's... she's no longer possessing this body."

Tonowari hovers over his mate like a protective shadow as she bends down over Kayla's avatar, the olo'eyktan's eyes hardened with determination to find a solution as he addresses Jake, "Is that normal?"

Jake's ears pin back, eyes unfocused for a moment, "No, it's not. This only happens if someone is forced out of their Na'vi body. I've seen it before."

Ronal grabs Kayla's chin to tilt the avatar's head to look up at her, "Makayla? Makayla, can you hear me?"

The formality had puzzled Jake for a moment, staring oddly at the tsahik as she continued to carefully inspect his sister's avatar. Peering over at his wife, he noticed Neytiri looking back at him, waiting patiently with her tail gently swaying behind her, the way she normally looked when she expected him to figure something out. Whatever it was, it would have to wait as Jake shook his head and turned back toward the radio, making contact his first priority.

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over." Jake pressed into the radio before letting go of the button, not as enthusiastic for a reply.

"What is happening?" Tonowari questioned.

"I've been trying to reach our human allies with the Omatikaya all afternoon, but so far no one's responding."

"And I take it that is not normal either?"

A shadow falls over Jake's eyes as he glares into the piece of technology in front of him, "No."

"J-- Jake! We have a situation."

A familiar voice suddenly buzzes through the device before being abruptly cut off. The whole room stills as if time had stopped. Jake hadn't noticed he was holding his breath as he stared down at the radio until his lungs burned and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. With a start, Jake greedily sucks in air as he quickly moves to grab the radio,

"Norm, what's going on?" He harshly demands, "What happened?"

"Lab compromised-- can't--"

The connection cuts off again but Jake doesn't give up, desperate for an answer, "Norm! Come on... Norm, do you copy? Where's Kayla?"

"She... She's gone!"

The air completely sucks out of his lungs, his brain scrambling for a reasonable explanation. He didn't have to look around to know that everyone else would be panicked and concerned as well. Ronal had stood up straight once more, standing near Kayla's feet as her expression reared back with affliction, her eyes darting to Tonowari as they both shared a look of genuine fright. Spider noticed their exchange out of the corner of his eye before looking back down at the body in front of him, his chest feeling tight as the news sunk in, his small hand leaning near Kayla's as if afraid that touching her hand would somehow evaporate her avatar's form. The lightest brush of skin against his elbow let him know that Ao'nung was still right beside him.

Jake could feel the rushing of his heartbeat pulsing loudly in his ears as he absorbed the information. All other rational thoughts jump out the window as he suddenly snaps and growled into the communication device, "What do you mean 'gone?' Norm, what the fuck happened?"

Neytiri didn't even have the heart to chastise her husband for such language in front of the children, her own mind spiraling at all of the possibilities that might have befallen her people, let alone Kayla. Tuk's hand instinctively reaches up to grab her mother's when she feels the older woman's distress, the air stale with tension as all eyes are fixed on the radio.

"I had to force an emergency shutdown on Kayla's link in progress," Norm finally manages to explain without the connection cutting him off, "High Camp had to evacuate because we thought our location might've been compromised. We all scattered and ran to hide and avoid capture, but when we made it to the rendevous she didn't show up-- And... she's not here, Jake. We went back to camp when the coast was clear and Kayla is the only one not accounted for."

That could mean anything, but Jake wasn't ready to make any conclusions until he got the full story, "Who compromised High Camp?"

"Quaritch."

The room felt silent once more, dread swimming in Jake's gut as he closed his eyes and heaved a large, exhausted sigh. One of his ears flicked in the direction he knew Kiri was kneeling down to wrap her arms protectively around Spider without even having to look.

"He had been sighted scouting the Hallelujah Mountains for days prior to this. We thought he might've finally found us so we dispersed."

Jake's head spun with emotions, trying not to let anger get the better of him as he clutched the radio, "Why didn't you call in these sightings to me? I would've come back."

"Because we thought he was after YOU, Jake. If you had come running back, he would've been there, waiting for you."

He took a deep breath, "Do we know for sure Quaritch has Kayla?"

"We're still looking, but... look-- Kayla grabbed a radio before we split up and scattered. There was a tracker, and when we got back, Max tried to access it, but the signal was lost nearly halfway to our rendevous point. If Quaritch snatched her, he could be anywhere by now."

"... So why Kayla? Did he take her to get to me?"

"That's what I thought originally. But Jake-- we don't think he's reporting back to Ardmore anymore."

Norm's words clearly surprise Jake, eyes briefly widening before they return to their normal shape. Unaware of Jake's reaction, Norm's voice continues to come in through the radio, "We've been monitoring RDA radio chatter and there were never any indicators that he never called in a strike against the camp. Ardmore didn't send an army, it was just him. I think he acted alone on this, against Ardmore's orders. Or maybe she doesn't know about it. All I know is he's after something or someone, whether it's you or something else, he knows that Kayla has what he wants."

Jake feels a weight of revelation sink in his stomach, slowly peering over his shoulder, only to find that Spider was already looking back at him. As expected, Kiri was kneeling behind her best friend and her long blue arms encompassed the human teen's shoulders, tightening further when her father's gaze landed on them. Spider doesn't move or even breathe for that matter, the kid's eyes wide with what could only be described as fear.

"I think I know what he's after," Jake muttered back into the radio, his eyes never leaving Spider's, "Let me get back to you with a plan, Norm."

He cuts contact on the radio and rushes to stand up. Kiri, assuming the worst after seeing the look in his eye when he gazed at Spider, speaks up before her father can even say a word, "Dad, you can't leave her! Not like when you left Spider!"

Jake winced, an apologetic expression directed at the boy in question before he straightened his posture, looking around at the room of Na'vi all staring at him expectedly. The weight of Toruk Makto was heavy on his shoulders once more... only this time it felt worse. The fear of failure was worse.

Quaritch likely has Kayla, and the very thought of the Recom holding his sister hostage brought that same, deep-rooted fear he had festered when Quaritch had taken his daughters. The haunted image of Quaritch's knife against Kayla's throat when they were fighting on the ship didn't help that fear. Looking over and meeting Neytiri's eyes, Jake saw that same haunted expression on her face, the look of someone who had lost so many of her loved ones to the colonel. Quaritch was responsible for her father's death, and the lives that were lost when Hometree fell. Quaritch was responsible for Tsu'tey, for Grace, for Trudy... Neteyam... Hell, he might have been the one held responsible for the death of Neytiri's sister, Sylwanin.

Turning back and taking one look at Spider's pleading eyes, Jake was desperate to ensure that Kayla wouldn't be added to Quaritch's growing list.

Jake's expression hardened, hiding away his thoughts while addressing Kiri, "I won't, baby girl. Not this time."

~~~~~~~~~

A/n: In between chapters, I asked for a couple of commissions from the following:

I'd like to thank @sullyfortress for this beautiful masterpiece of Kayla!

And @rocklobster0 for making this cute chibi art of Kayla/Tonowari/Ronal! You guys are amazing individuals and are so gifted😍Thank you so much!

#tsamsiyu ta'em fic #ronal x tonowari x oc #ronal x oc x tonowari #ronal x oc #tonowari x oc x ronal #tonowari x ronal x oc #tonowari x oc #tonowari x ronal #ronal x tonowari #atwow fic #atwow fics #atwow fanfic #atwow fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #atwow #avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #james cameron avatar

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tsukacchako · 4 months ago

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hot take but i for one am glad those screenshots got released to the public. there i said it! im glad that other people can see how fucking awful the community was for those outside of the little popular kid-like circle that formed. can you see it? see it in how they defended themselves, both in the reblogs/comments and the screenshots? the server was a safe space! …. for them. if it was a safe space for all, then why would people feel like they have to go to anon to address things?

throughout my time in this community, it has gotten more and more obvious that an exclusive group was formed. curious? confused? just look at the sona season intimacy levels! look at how, despite all being in the same community and using the same tags, much more interactions Those people get versus everyone else. it’s sad, really. after all, communities are supposed to be INclusive, supposed to welcome all! but my friends and i have not felt included for MONTHS in this community, despite all of our efforts. i spent months talking every day in that server, just for ONE person to notice that i left a MONTH later. i made an entire oc whose sole purpose in the beginning was to build interactions and therefore friendships with everyone in the community. i made an entire project where i drew almost everyones ocs for the sole purpose of building interactions and therefore friendships with everyone in the community. and all of that failed, cause these people didnt care about me.

for months i thought that i was the problem. i saw everyone else getting more hype than me and thought it was because i wasnt as talented as them, that i needed to improve as quickly as possible to be on the same level as everyone else. isnt that sad? THAT was the environment you have created. it was very obvious that that server was a “server owner and friends” server and not an “alnst oc community” server, and not everyone was considered a friend.

its all “please tell us if you have a problem with us” until YOU are offended by what people are uncomfortable with. could that argument have been handled better? yes. but ill never forget how i felt when anon was taken off, and we were told we “didnt care” about what we were talking about because we were “hiding behind anon.” i wasnt hiding because i didnt care, i was hiding because i was SCARED! i was scared to potentially break the bonds i had with people i thought were my friends. and then look what happened, i was practically forced to go off anon and explain myself and once i left the server almost everyone in that group stopped interacting with me. this is why im softblocking everyone and posting this rant now. i wanted to do this back in december, but i was scared of the confrontation that i could possibly receive and forced myself to wait until sona season and s40 was over for me.

(obviously there are other things to talk about regarding That argument, but since this rant is just about my feelings thats only what im gonna be talking about)

i was nothing but nice to people, i hyped up everyones work. and you know what i got in return? a lack of care towards my ocs (specifically cindy) and myself. you know what i also got in return? the absolute worst intimacy levels out of every post i was a part of. do you know how awful that makes me feel? getting 30%s while everyone else gets 80%? to YOU it might seem like something fun and silly, but to OTHERS the sona season is a representation of how excluded we felt. its so obvious that the sona season revolves around peoples feelings for each other, and so if youre not a part of the Main Group despite trying for months to be friends with them then youre just left alone in the corner. sorry to break your bubble of fun, but you guys need to realize that you created this. you guys only care about the alien stage ocs and sonas if theyre YOUR ocs and sonas.

anyway this is so lame and corny but i just needed to finally get my feelings out after holding them in for Months. obviously youre allowed to be closer to others, but you cant brand yourself as inclusive and the server as a safe space when it wasnt that way for everyone because of you. my friends and i have been disrespected for months and were done. thanks for the memories i guess! it was fun in the beginning.

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archie-sunshine · 8 months ago

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you absolutely do Not have to answer if you dont want to but is there a reason why you dont like tfp request? too frequent? not your cup of tea? i know its super popular among fans but i was just curious-

I'm a good. and kind person. and i can tell you that because i had a very mean thing to say to this ask, but i didn't say it.

here's my faq that i told you to read so you'd understand before you sent this ask

and heres my completely honest answer:

I don't mind getting tfp asks, because i know its my blog and I don't have to answer.

i don't like TFP requests because then when i politely say no, I am demanded to tell you why.

It's easy to find on my blog that i don't like it and all my reasons why, but you don't bother looking for that. Because my time doesn't matter to you! I said 'my reasons are in my FAQ' on all the posts where i said i dont like it in the past day. and in my pinned post, you can find the faq. and in the tags you can find my faqs. and in my rules you can find my faq. But you didn't look for it. just like they didn't look for my rules, just like they didn't read through my faq.

I don't like tfp asks because the fact that i get them means there are people who only see my pen and not the person attached to it. it makes me feel sad. It makes me feel discouraged from drawing altogether.

I feel an obligation to answer because I'm a nice person, and i know 99% of the time nobody means anything about it, but its not enough to point to the sign. It's never enough to just gently state a boundary. you have to know why. and its not enough for you to know why, you have to ask WHY i felt like that. and its not enough to know WHY i feel that way, you have to have EVIDENCE as to where i formed my reasons. and that there is a whole day of me explaining. I have my reasons and I explained them. and none of you take the time to look for them.

you can understand how upsetting that is, can't you? i've had to do this like 8 times now! you'd be frustrated just as much as i am.

Because when I explain it to you, im not being mean, I'm being as nice as i possibly can. And I still get mysteriously reported, and my posts still get mysteriously flagged every time I express an opinion.

Because I don't want to have to block people that ask, because i WANT to give you all the benefit of the doubt. But I'm sick of it! it makes me tired.

I don't want to have requests open if people don't care about me enough to read my rules. i don't want to just be a porn printer. you understand how it makes me feel that way don't you? I was supposed to spend my evening drawing so people could have art they liked and i spent it answering this ask AGAIN because i thought maybe, MAYBE people will get it this time.

I'm not answering these anymore. I'm not giving this my time anymore. I've tried to be nice, i've tried to be funny, I've tried to be gentle, I've tried to be firm, I've tried to be honest, but it doesn't matter. It's the simplest boundary I could give, and you all still don't care enough to do that one thing. you can think this hill is stupid to die on, but you won't stop shooting arrows long enough for me to get off the hill.

requests are now closed until i feel like taking new ones. I'll answer whatever else is in here that i feel like drawing.

#archie answers #faq #long post

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fiendishartist2 · 9 months ago

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im not fucking around anymore. here's the full "Paul is Care" essay i've been working on:

“Alright. So there's uh, nothing out here, as far as I've seen. But actually, I think there is something out here. I just haven't seen it yet.”

In Petscop, the story is told between the lines. When you feel like you have a grasp on it, a single colour or date throws off everything you’ve built up. That’s why I like to look at Petscop in another way; not as a series of events, but an exploration of a single character: Paul.

Some people like to map everything out in a single timeline; when did Care go missing, when did the family get the game, when did Lina and Mike die. I think that every interpretation of Petscop has its own value, because Petscop means something different to everyone who watches it. But, when I look at Petscop, I don’t just see a series of events wrapped up in the mystery of Care’s disappearance. I see a video game used as a device to explore and understand the connection between the past and the present. I see the ways in which Paul Leskowitz is Carrie Mark.

I know that to some that notion might seem crazy; the broader discussion of Petscop is different to the niche ones held by crazy people in the tags of a Tumblr post . Obviously, this theory is personally significant and I hold it very near and dear to my heart. But, I want to share this theory in a way that makes sense to the general audience of Petscop because I genuinely believe you guys are missing out! So, keep an open mind and enter my Petscop mind-palace…

“...were signs along the way. Um, that I ignored. Because it would have been a completely ridiculous idea to me. Um. But when I found my room, it made, uh, well, I was shocked at first, but it made sense, especially considering where I found the game in the first place, um, that it would be tied, in some way, to me through you. Um. And I'm trying to think, when was the last time I saw any of you at all? It had to have been in like, 1999. I was a kid, I was a small kid. Tiny kid. Um. And after that, just, you know. But, it would make sense in the timeline.” (Petscop 11)

A lot of Petscop theories surround the actual textual proof found in the videos, so that’s where I’ll start. There’s many instances where Paul makes the connection between himself and Care, but one moment continues to stick with me. In Petscop 11, Paul finally enters the house and takes a look around. He’s on the phone with someone, presumably Belle. Paul goes up to the calendars and starts talking about Care, “Yeah, on that topic... I don't remember meeting this girl at all. Um, I don't remember knowing her at any point (…) Um, and I remember you saying that we were, that we, we are, um, exactly the same age.” (Petscop 11). He points out that he and Care share the same birthday, down to the year. We get further confirmation of this in Petscop 14, when Paul’s conversation with Jill that he had on his own birthday is superimposed onto Care’s. The next part though, is what really gets the theory started, “I do agree there's a resemblance. Um. Very strong resemblance between us.” (Petscop 11).

Faces are incredibly important in Petscop. Marvin thought Care and Mike could be rebirthed into Lina because they had similar features, and Care had to be given Mike’s eyebrows specifically to change her room. So, for Paul and Care to have such similar facial features that someone else pointed out the resemblance is significant.

They also happen to share the name “Leskowitz”, which is both Anna and Lina’s last name. We know this because his Reddit account is “p_leskowitz”.

If he’s a Leskowitz, then that explains his complicated feelings towards “the family”. “The family” is a foreboding presence throughout Petscop. Their meddling isn’t outright malicious, but even Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them. And it makes sense, as “the family” (comprised of Anna and Jill) each have a major role in the core mystery of Petscop. Anna is the mother of Care and the wife of Marvin, while Jill is Marvin’s sister and the mother of both Rainer and Mike. To be a Leskowitz, Paul would need to be blood related to Anna or Lina in some way. Paul shows that he has this relation to the family in Petscop 22, when he’s talking to Belle about finding the windmill, “And, I don't th- and you don't have to worry about it, right, 'cause... 'cause you aren't, you aren't family, so you wouldn't... have a room, that's the thing.” (Petscop 22). In this context, Paul is asking Belle whether Jill has contacted her. When he tells her she doesn’t have a room, this is in reference to the Child Library explored in Petscop 3 and 7. This means that in order to be part of the Leskowitz-Mark family (and in our case, related to Care), you have to have a room in the Child Library, something both Paul and Care possess.

Paul being related to the family is also supported by his casual mention of meeting Rainer as a child, “‘Rainer’... I saw him at a birthday party once. All the older kids were down in the basement playing video games, to hide from everyone. He was down there, too. He was older than the rest of them, though.” (Petscop 11), and his confusion of not knowing Care, with the implication that if she was real, he would have met her through the family.

A rarely discussed aspect of Paul’s character is that he can’t tell his left from his right. When he’s doing the disc puzzle in Anna and Marvin’s room is Petscop 11, “Um, we can see what the room looks like in that recording, um, on the uh, right? ... Left? Left? Right ... side.” (Petscop 14) and before he even enters the house, “And, I mean, I still get confused about that. Because, I mean, well, I know it's always the top, but, um, I still have to think. I have to think.” (Petscop 11), we can clearly see that he has trouble with directions. In a similar fashion, Care is described as “dizzy”, most notably in the end credits of Petscop. She is also described as blind by Rainer in Petscop 17, “You were blind. At some point, your movements stopped making sense.” (Petscop 17). In the counsellor’s office, the counsellor says to Paul, “Are you right handed, or left handed? You don't know? Really?” (Petscop 22). I’ll get more into it later, but this sequence is presumably a real conversation that the game is recreating. If this scene is taken from Care’s real childhood, then it confirms that she also had problems with her lefts and rights.

Now, this is the base level of the theory. It’s easy to figure out that Paul is a Leskowitz, he literally calls them “the family”. And while I think the bits about faces and birthdays and directions are significant to this theory, I wanted to get all of the textual evidence out of the way so that I could get into the fun part of this essay: the subtext.

”Some things you can't rewrite.” (Petscop 14)

Petscop is nothing if not a collection of symbols and metaphors. Ask me what Petscop is all about on any given day and there’s a non-zero chance I will start explaining why the car is orange. While it is necessary to analyse Petscop as a real series of events, I think that another approach can be taken; what if we analysed Petscop as a series of events that are happening to Paul specifically? That the game is creating meaning by placing Paul specifically in these snippets of the past. By looking at each moment as “Why did the game make Paul do this?” instead of “What is happening in the game?”, we can see everything through a new lens.

First, I want to discuss colour. Colour plays a huge role in Petscop; almost every character is assigned their own colour. This is most often used to denote who is speaking in text, but it’s also used for other things like the tool. You are probably aware that Care’s colour is yellow, as all of her text is yellow. What you might not know is that Paul’s colour is red. Paul has exactly one instance in all of Petscop where he has coloured text and that is in Petscop 22, when he gives the counsellor his name. The calendars in the house are also colour coded, as the one showing 2017 is red.

One of my favourite moments in all of Petscop uses colour in a way that supports this theory perfectly. When Paul takes Care out of the rebirthing machine, she has been transformed into an Easter egg. A red and yellow striped Easter egg. I will get into this egg later on, but for now, I want to point out how Paul and Care’s colours have been used here. Of course, it’s significant just that they've been put together, but it's more than that. Care’s final form, the egg she has been placed in to keep her safe from all of the trauma she has suffered, that she will spend the rest of the series in, is painted a combination of her and Paul’s colours. In the same sequence, when Paul is playing the Needles Piano for Care B, the “wrong” notes he plays to turn her into the Easter Egg are all red. There’s a joke about eggs and transness in here somewhere.

Right after Care’s rebirth into the egg, Paul places her in the locker with the purple egg and the “new life” letter. If we abide by the established colour theory, this second egg would be Belle’s/Tiara’s egg. By putting them together, alongside the letter, it symbolises Care and Belle’s transfer to Lina’s care; this can also be supported by the ending of Petscop. In the final scene of the soundtrack, Belle recounts when she and Paul were adopted, “There is Boss waiting for her son. Pall do you remember being born. Smuggled away driving to your new house. Boss in driver seat me in back.” (Petscop Soundtrack). “Do you remember being born” is a question posed over and over again throughout Petscop. It’s meant to be a reference to rebirthing, but here it’s Paul being asked if he remembers being born, not Care; you can also connect this to the “new life” letter, making it apparent Belle is asking if he remembers when he was given his “new life” with her and “Boss”. There’s also the implication of the wording “smuggled away”, implying that there was something stopping Paul from being taken to his new home. Paul and Care’s final scenes parallel each other; Care is placed with Belle’s/Tiara’s egg with the “new life” letter, while Paul is taken back to “Boss” by Belle. Care and Paul are both asked if they “remember being born”.

Another, smaller piece of colour theory in Petscop comes from the board games in the counsellor’s office. The board game “Accident” features red and yellow puzzle pieces that fit together, but are broken apart. Remember that Care’s colour is yellow, so assume that she symbolises the yellow piece; Paul’s colour is red, so assume that he symbolises the red piece. The red piece is bigger and fits into the smaller yellow piece, like it’s missing the beginning of it. The yellow piece comes before the red piece, as if it adds context to the red piece. When we think of this in terms of Care and Paul, we can see that Care is the “missing piece” of Paul; the small part of his past that adds the context that completes him. Paul’s piece is bigger because he’s been Paul for so much longer (if we interpret the counsellor’s office as a real event the way it is shown, then that could be the moment he changed. Or, if we consider Care’s rebirth into the egg as the moment Care turned into Paul, then that would be the moment instead), meanwhile Care’s piece is small because she was only a small part of his life.

Taking colour into account, we can get into the meat of the symbolism in Petscop. When we view the events of Petscop through our new lens, many things become significant. Paul is placed in the role of Care many times throughout the series; on Care’s birthday, in the counsellor's office, and in Rainer’s “you are Carrie Mark” monologue.

During the “strange situation” birthday scene, Paul carries around a yellow balloon, symbolising that he is standing in for Care. This is further cemented by Anna’s dialogue addressing Paul as if he is Care on the day she came home, “You made it. Happy birthday! (...) Why are you covering your face? (...) Of course I recognize you. Those eyes. That nose. That’s still you.” (Petscop 14).

This next dialogue from Anna is particularly interesting to me; she doesn’t just tell Paul that she’s happy Care is home safe or ask him where she’s been, but instead she says this, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). When we talk about Petscop, we have the urge to deny any supernatural involvement in the story. Whether through AI or predictive programming or alternate timelines, we want Petscop to be plausible. Understandable. Easy to digest. But, we often forget that Paul poses the question of a literal “ghost in the machine” in the first few episodes. I want to consider this quote– Anna talking to her child who has been “lost” for many years– as an act of this ghost. The game is talking back to Paul, telling him that no matter how much he has changed, he still has the same eyes, the same nose that made him Carrie Mark. And we know how important eyes and noses are in Petscop. Also as a side note, consider how Anna didn’t specify eyebrows; we know that Care’s lack of eyebrows is in some way due to Marvin, but when she tells Paul she recognises his eyes and nose, she doesn’t add on eyebrows. Paul said it himself in Petscop 7, “Um, and why am I doing that? Well, because eyebrows seem to be important.” (Petscop 7). I like to think that she couldn’t have said that Paul has the same eyebrows because, since Marvin isn’t in the picture anymore, he wouldn’t have any reason to pluck them.

Another scene that mixes up Paul and Care is the counsellor's office. When Paul finally enters the “girl wall” in Petscop 22, he is placed into a school’s counsellor’s office. Again, they talk to Paul as if he is Care, apologising for taking him out of class and saying he needs to “catch up”, implying that he’s missed a significant amount of school. As they start to play Graverobber (Jesus Christ, Rainer), the counsellor is confused about Paul’s name; they ask him if they have the wrong name written down, as his save file is currently “Strange Situation” and when they called out the name on file, Paul didn’t respond. Now, the connection here is a little more nuanced, but it still comes to a conclusion that I think greatly supports the theory. “Strange situation” is in reference to the Mary Ainsworth Strange Situation Experiment, a test in which an infant is deliberately separated from their mother to test their level of attachment. This is a very base level understanding of this concept, but when applied to this specific scene, it becomes apparent that this “strange situation” is another reference to Care. Care was separated from her mother for about half a year, only returning during the birthday party scene; the counsellor’s scene was accessible once Paul started using the “Strange Situation” file. Care stopped recognising the name she used before the seperation, considering herself to be “Strange Situation” instead. She has literally stopped recognising the name Care, and picks out her own name (which in the game Paul sets to his own).

Also consider the implication of the “girl wall”. At first, it’s an absurd joke, meant to lighten the mood using the same roundabout humour the rest of the series has. But, the counsellor asking if they have the wrong name, listing Paul as “Strange Situation” instead of his name, combined with the fact that when Paul is placed in front of the girl wall, he can’t walk away from it, it becomes a bit of an analogy; The game keeps forcefully showing Paul the word “GiRL” over and over and when he finally enters the “girl-world” as Strange Situation, he is called the wrong name and once again placed in Care’s shoes.

Let’s revisit the “ghost in the machine” idea. In Petscop 17, we are shown a past recording of Petscop; we never find out who was playing at this time, but it’s easy to assume Paul is the one watching the recording. The footage is less interesting than the dialogue, but it is notable that it’s a recording of the player running backwards in a very deliberate pattern. The actually relevant part of this sequence is Rainer’s monologue; in particular, the way he frames it, “You are a girl named Carrie Mark, and you were born on November 12th, 1992. You have a mommy named Anna, a daddy named Marvin, an auntie named Jill, an uncle named Thomas, a cousin named Daniel, ......I know what you must be thinking. Have these statements always been true? Or have I cursed you? Is there such a thing? A curse that changes your past?” (Petscop 17). There’s something about the forcefulness of this dialogue, “You are Carrie Mark,” as if Rainer is trying to make it so just by saying it. The inclusion of the birthday is also notable; we have been shown time and time again that Paul and Care share a birthday, and that this is an important part of both of their characters. So, when Rainer asks if these statements have always been true, or if it’s “a curse that changes your past”, we’re meant to interpret it as such: some of the statements are true, but the “you” being addressed is not currently “a girl named Carrie Mark”. Rainer casts a spell to make the player retrace their steps and although he might not be playing, the use of the word “you” and present tense language makes the statement pointed towards Paul. There’s something to be said about Rainer’s position in all of this; he isn’t the only tangible “ghost” in Petscop (Marvin and Tiara fit Paul’s definition established in Petscop 6), but he’s the only one to be fully dead. It truly feels, in this moment, like Petscop– like Rainer– is talking directly to Paul. The “curse that changes your past” is the part that ties it all together. This past that Paul doesn’t fully remember, where Anna and Marvin have a daughter named Care, where someone in his family went missing for months– by learning about this through the game, Rainer is essentially changing Paul’s version of the past. Your memory and physical evidence are all you have of the past; when your memory tells you one thing, but physical evidence tells you another, what version of your past is true?

“You’re the Newmaker. You can turn Care NLM into Care A, and close the loop.” (Petscop 9)

Finally, I want to explain why this theory is supportive of the themes of Petscop. Of course, there’s the obvious link between rebirth and the change from Care to Paul. But, there’s also themes of blood family versus chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and of healing from your past. I want to provide an explanation of each of these themes and how the “Paul is Care” theory fits into them.

Let’s begin with the family point, since I already expanded on the family’s role in Petscop earlier. There’s a story behind the scenes in this series; the conflict between the chosen family versus the blood family. Anna and Jill against Belle and Lina. Anna and Jill are restrictive– they take over the channel and block certain things from the audience. Paul admits that he’s intimidated by them, and he’s concerned when he thinks Jill could be in contact with Belle. When we get the only dialogue from Jill, Paul is hostile and aggressive with her, something we don’t see from him otherwise. Alternately, Anna comes off as dismissive in most of her dialogue; when Care shows up at the birthday party, Anna treats her like no time has passed, like they haven’t been searching for her for months. We don’t get direct contact between Anna and Paul (except for a phone call in Petscop 11 that you could interpret as being with Anna), but the way she talks to the player through Care during the birthday party is still dismissive, “I sure hope you’ve realised by now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been gone. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve changed. You aren’t lost. Stop wandering and come home.” (Petscop 14). There’s a level of distance between Paul and the family, which is evident from the name alone; Paul identifies himself as part of the family, but he still calls them “the family” as opposed to “my family”. When you pair that with the fact that he calls them all by their first names instead of any term of endearment (like how Rainer calls her “Auntie Jill” in his spell), it paints a clear picture: Paul does not want to be part of this family.

In direct contrast, Belle is shown a significant amount of affection from Paul. Not only is he on the phone with her for a good handful of the episodes, but Belle also has a familial connection to Paul. In Petscop 2, Paul is talking to Belle and he says “When you come home next month, and uh, hopefully you're feeling a little more enthusiastic about that now, we can investigate this together, and maybe you'll find stuff that I can't find here.” (Petscop 2). I think the casual use of the word ‘home’ to describe where Belle is staying implies a certain closeness, maybe even that they live in the same household. That’s not the part of this line that is important to me, however. Take a look at Belle’s final speech at the end of Petscop; Belle says “I could not wait too be your friend,” and Paul responds, “Family”, to which Belle says, “We can investigate this together.” (Petscop Soundtrack). After distancing himself from the family, as well as directly telling her she’s not part of the family (following it up with “Uhh... I didn't- I didn't mean it that way,” (Petscop 22), implying they have a similar connection that she’s defending), Paul calls Belle family. She states that they’re friends and Paul corrects her by telling her that they’re not just friends, but family. The most gut wrenching part of this dialogue is the use of ‘we can investigate this together’. It’s like a ward, a promise that Belle is making to Paul. He doesn’t have to go through this alone, she’s promising to be there for him. She’s going to investigate this with him, like he asked her to in the second episode. Paul doesn’t call his blood relatives family, but he tells Belle that they are his family; her and the “Boss”.

How does this connect to Care? It’s not hard evidence, but when you take this theme of family into account, it makes more sense for Paul to have a strained relationship with the family if we apply Care’s story to him. Think about it; Paul was ‘smuggled away driving too [his] new house’ and he hasn’t seen the family since he was a child, and Care’s egg was (metaphorically) placed with Belle’s and the New Life Letter when she would have been around 5, since that’s the age she was when she was kidnapped. Care went through an extremely traumatic event in a toxic environment– why wouldn’t someone step in and take her out of that family? To me, this theory extends the same closure Paul gets at the end of Petscop to Care; it tells us that even after everything she went through, she finds people who love and take care of her.

Abuse is a huge focus in Petscop, both as a plot point and a major theme. Rainer’s main motivation is to expose Marvin’s abuse of both Mike and Care to the family– whether or not that’s successful is not important. Because years after Rainer’s attempt, Paul is back doing the exact same; although, his playthrough of Petscop is less of an expose and more of an attempt at solving the mystery. Now, I think it’s a little pedantic, but in this context, I think the “cycle of abuse” in Petscop refers less to a generational cycle, but a continuous cycle that happens every time Petscop is played. Care is stuck in this version of the past that Rainer has created, forced to live through it as many years as Petscop is left on. Paul doesn’t continue this cycle though; as far as we know, Paul is the only person to reach the good ending of the game, where he’s rebirthed Care into the egg and reconnected with Belle and ‘Boss’. Paul is the only person who could understand what Care needed, because it’s exactly what he needed.

Care’s trauma is replayed for us throughout Petscop. Every knowable aspect of it is shown, leaving behind a raw feeling; like somehow, Paul and Rainer have made a spectacle of her abuse. But, I don’t think that’s entirely true. Rainer, although he is bitter and vengeful, is ultimately the person who finds the truth about Care and Mike and (if we are to believe him) is also the one who found Care at the school. In the beginning, it’s obvious that Paul is playing the game to see the mystery and is slowly engulfed by it throughout the rest of the series. When the game tells him that, “Marvin picks up tool hurts me when playstation on,” (Petscop 3), Paul proceeds anyway. The same happens when Care is caught in her room; Paul sees what is obviously a child being kidnapped and continues to solve the puzzle anyway. He picks the flower, catching Care NLM, and leads Marvin to the house. Paul follows through on everything he can to ‘solve’ the mystery of Carrie Mark, but in the end, he defies what the game has told him to do and saves Care. He does what Rainer couldn’t do: he breaks the cycle of abuse in the Mark-Leskowitz family. It’s kind of poetic, the idea that the person Care grew to be is the same person who confronts and lays to rest her trauma. The fact that playing his own theme would be the key to changing Care into the egg (a symbol of birth and potential) is beautiful.

The last thing I want to talk about is the theme of healing. This concept is more nebulous; we don’t see much of Paul post-Petscop, but the final scene does always leave me feeling hopeful for him. I think the reconnection with Belle and ‘Boss’, alongside the reassurance that, “[they] can investigate this together,” shows that Paul is out of the mindset and environment Petscop put him in. I’ve always thought that throughout Petscop, we see a deterioration of Paul; in the beginning, he’s intrigued and confused, but we see him become more and more disturbed, irritable, and frustrated towards the end. This is first evident with the CD puzzle in the house, where Paul is so out of his depth and confused that he stops acting with the same calm rationality shown throughout the earlier episodes. Then, when Paul is messing about with the demo recordings, he stops speaking in the videos entirely. When Paul sees the final blacked out object, which are coordinates to the real life windmill, he is the most stuttery we’ve ever seen, “Hm. Y- y- yep, yep. Yep... yep. N- we would- we would have to find out how big... like, we'd have to find out how big a tile is..? One of the tiles..? Like, if we could- if we could figure out how big... one tile is, in... u- in, umm... Like, feet. Or... Uhh, yeah. Meters.” (Petscop 22). He’s frazzled and excited and a little bit scared, evidenced by how he talks about the family, “They didn't... I don't like talking to them. They intimidate me…” (Petscop 22). All of this changes by the end; Paul is no longer stuck playing the game and he’s free to return to the people who love him most. This freedom is summed up in a single image: the final one we see in Petscop. Paul’s chair is empty and the blue sky beyond the desk is brimming with hope.

All this to say, Paul choosing Belle and ‘Boss’ over the game as well as saving Care by doing what’s best for her instead of finishing the final puzzle, alongside his final scene where he is welcomed home by his real family, shows us an interpretation of Petscop that paints it not as a tragedy, but a story of chosen family, breaking the cycle of abuse, and healing trauma through connection.

Thank you so much for hearing me out.

Bye-bye!

#its been done for ever i just never got around to posting it #i went through and edited it to bw more coherent tho bc this was written in the middle of a petscop fervor lol #petscop #paul leskowitz #carrie mark #im not tagging everyone #essay #petscop theory #i love you paul is care theory forever and ever #its long so you may wanna read in multiple sittings #like 10 pages long ToT #sorry not sorry #lmk if i actually made sense or if im crazy pls i want to know if this is even understandable to ppl who arent me #this was actually originally written as a video essay but idk if ill ever make it

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